..ummmm..

So my new addiction is Tumblr. It's so much easier. And I'm a picture whore so it's pretty much where I belong. I don't know how much I'll update here, but you should DEFFFFFF follow me there. And maybe create your own. Because it's better.

http://tash-posh.tumblr.com/

Peace out bishes.

..the only constant thing in life is change..

- My birthday was a success. I had 12 parties and celebrated with pretty much everyone that I wanted to. My mom bought me the cutest boots everrrrrrrr (thank god for Torrid and their boots that actually fit my calves (thank you dancing for 15 years and being fat)). I got the first season of Glee from Aaron and Matty Ford annndddddd lots of things to feed my current (and ongoing) musical theatre obsession. Yay birthdays! :)

- I have always considered myself to be well versed in the musical theatre genre. Recently I have found that there are people *cough, Tommy, cough* that are MUCH MORE in the know in terms of good shows and good music. So Mr. Fitz (aka - ToFi) has been "schooling" me in some of the shows he believes need to be on my radar. The first was The Last Five Years. Aaaaaamazing. Times a million. I have a slight obsession with this now. Jason Robert Brown is ridiculous. Leo Norbert Butz is phenomenal. And it gives me chills. I highly recommend it. The newest one that he has so generously shared with me is Next to Normal. Also extremely good. I had to sit and read the synopsis while I was listening to the music to figure out what the hell was going on (yeah. I'm cool. Embrace it), but lovvvveeeee it. Yeeeeeeey!

- I hate California. I believe that is all that needs to be said.

- I am feeling restless. Like I need to shake things up in a big way. I'm at a weird spot in my life right now. Things are in an awkward transition mode at work, my best friend just moved away, I am feeling terribly awful about myself physically. I just feel like I need to do something extreme. And that the universe has been sending me all these signals. I have half talked/half joked about moving to Seattle in March when my lease is up. Well I have had literally 4 people tell me in the last few months that if I ever decided that I wanted to move there, that they know tons of people that would give me a job in a heartbeat. And just with the way everything is going at work and in my personal life, I think maybe it's time to say now or never. I know it's going to be scary and I may hate it and turn right around and come back... but I need some independence. I need to stop defining myself by the people around me. I need to make my own way and figure out where I want to be and who I want to be. And I don't feel like I can do that here... Which may be silly or selfish, but that's the point I'm at right now. So... stay tuned to see what happens with that. Now or never.

Boop.

..happy mybirthdaymonth!..

Updates!

- October is my favorite month. Of course, my birthday might be a huge part of that, but I just love the feeling when the air changes. When the leaves change and you can just feel that fall is in full swing. Plus, it's Halloween time! Carving pumpkins, Frightmares, scary movies. Fall just makes me happy. x100000.

- Speaking of my birthday, I like to celebrate me. I don't usually ever try to make the focus about me other parts of the year, but my birthday is the time when I like to be the center of attention and make everyone dote on me. And not just on my birthDAY, but in my birthWEEK and birthMONTH. Luckily, I have amazing friends who have no problem doing this...except for stupid Aaron who steals my thunder ;-)

- My birthday is on National Coming Out of the Closet Day. Hmm... Weird coincidence? Or fate? Hard to say. Love my gays!

- Speaking of gays, these last few days have been rough. It's hard to hear all the ignorant words that people speak just because they believe differently. Because they LOVE differently than other people believe they should. Are people really that simple minded? To believe that your way of doing things is the ONLY way of doing things? I was reading the article regarding what was said in one of the talks by Boyd K. Packer on Sunday:

"Some suppose that they were preset and cannot overcome what they feel are inborn tendencies toward the impure and the unnatural," he said. "Not so. Why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone?"

I think it is highly arrogant that anyone, regardless of your 'status' in the church (or anywhere else for that matter), can assume they know what the ultimate "plan" was. Yes, originally, man and woman were made for each other. To create all of us. However, how does anyone know that there weren't other people "chosen" to live this way, that were BORN this way, to love someone of the same sex? To teach all of us tolerance and acceptance and love without judgement? If you have faith in a higher being, then wouldn't you believe that? That He knows what He is doing? I feel any judgements that we pass on people while we are living will come back around to us in the end of things. So just love. There is already enough hate in the world.

Soap box done.

- I would like someone to take me on a shopping spree. You may sign up here.

- Josh is already blowing the roof off of California. He's been there just a little over a week, and already has two commercials and a spot on a tv show lined up. I feel like this is proving that he is meant to be there. As much as I dislike him being so far away. He's driven and motivated and I know that you'll be seeing his name everywhere shortly.

- Kind of along the same lines, my boss came to me the other day and was like "So have you found something to feel that void since your friend left?" (my boss is awesome BTW) I thought about it a little bit and while I miss him a lot, this is kind of a test of independence for me. This last year I have spent getting the toxic things out of my life was hard, but I had Josh (and of course, other friends) there to back me up and tell me I was doing the right things. And now this is my test to see if I can do it myself. And considering recent circumstances and situations, that test is hitting full force right about now. This will be a good chance to see if I really have changed over the last year, or if I'm going to fall into old habits. I am fairly confident that I have, but only time will tell.

Have a good week :)

..stuff and things..

What a weekend. A quick post today.

-Starting off with a quote that pretty much sums up my life right now:

"Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over."

'nuff said.

- I am going to my first dance class in like 2 years tonight. I'm excited/nervous. I am super out of shape, but considering it's a bunch of girls that I went to high school with, chances are they might be too. I feel this class is coming at a good time. Dance always made me super happy, and with everything that is going on for me right now, I think this will be a good release for me.

- Speaking of performing, taking into consideration current situations going on, I may not get to have my Made experience, as my Made coach is currently out of commission (in a matter of speaking). Therefore, instead of being "Tracy Turnblad", I am going to focus on getting into shape for my brother's wedding. Jessica (SIL) asked me to be in her line. So... gotta get pretty. And by pretty, I mean skinny.

- I am a wreck today. That is all.

..singular impression things are moving too fast..

Yay for abandoning my blog! I'm back.... with bullet points. You're excited. I know it.

- I tend to get stressed out easily over little things. I know this. You know this. Jesus knows this. So when some thing (or thingggssssss) happens that is/are kind of a big deal, it overwhelms me. Currently I have a laundry list of things that are causing me a whole lot of sleepless nights. People moving. Friendships in jeopardy. Flooding in my apartment. Etc. Etc. Etc. I feel that it has turned from just fingernail biting to actual physical symptoms. Literally making me sick. It's fun. I like it a lot. Good news? Maybe I will lose weight. Yay! Skinny!

- Next (not completely unrelated, however), Cody just got a gig in Malaysia. Fucking Malaysia. Who goes to Malaysia? I'm not even quite sure where that is but it has the word "Asia" in it, so I'm inclined to not think too highly of it. I digress... he got a FABULOUS job singing in a group over seas. They live and perform at a five star Hilton hotel. He's going to rock it. I'm really proud of him. He is leaving the 1st of October. Anxiety.

- My best friend (aka - Joshua Max Brodis) is moving to California. This is also to pursue the fact that he is an amazingly talented person and extremely motivated to make something of himself. So of course, he will. And I fully support his decison as much as a rational best friend can. That being said, it may seem like I don't support it at all, as the very mention of it in public makes me go into mini panic attacks. Again... I fall off topic. He will be leaving the last week of September. Scenario Cody + Scenario Josh = Basketcase Tasha. Forewarning. Tommy will potentially be on suicide watch.

- Since the are both leaving before my actual birthday (notbitteratallmovingonnow), I want to have a party before they leave. Therefore I have bestowed upon the BF to plan a party. Is this currently in the works? I am not sure. All I know is that being me, I will insist on being the single focus of attention for said party, so I will not/can not share it with anyone else. Do with that information what you will.

- Speaking of birthdays, I would like to announce that the entire month of October will be only about my birthday. There is no Halloween. Only my birthday. It's all about me. So when you ask me what you want to be for Halloween, I will tell you "Doesn't matter. There is no Halloween this year". This situation/conversation is OF COURSE, hypothetical and never happened... today... NEVER HAPPENED!

- Also I will be 26. Which is closer to 30 than 20. That is all I am saying.

- I would like to share this video only because I am a shameless supporter of my very talented friends:



Also here... with some random (asian looking) chick:



Yeah. He's amazing. I couldn't find a good video of him singing Michael Jackson but trust me - he does the King of Pop VERY proud.

- Last but not least, I very much believe that people come into your life when you need them the most. Whether they be new friends or just people that you lost contact throughout time, they know just what to say to make everything feel like it really is going to be okay. I am so appreciative to those people, especially right now when I feel like there are so many things out of my control. Thanks bitches :)

..(creative title goes here)..

Just randomness because I don't have energy for anything more than that but I feel like I haven't updated in awhile....



- First of all, eff this game.



- Whoever said to drown your sorrows in booze was clearly suicidal. I had a REALLY rough week last week (personal life wise, not business. I rocked the business). So Friday night Josh and Aaron were like "Club! YAY!" I haven't been in awhile (nor have I drank in awhile), so I thought "YAY!" Anyway... I'm super smart and drank pretty much a whole bottle of mango rum. It happens. Soooo... I know that seems overkill, but I think that I would have been fine had it not been for the two additional drinks at the club. It was JT's birthday! Come on! Sooo... My memory of the night is.. hazy at best, but at some point I ended up downstairs with Gray and somehow Vegas (more on that later) came up... and then all I remember are hysterics. This wasn't just a "Oh, Tasha is having one of her moments" kind of cry. This was an all out cryingsohardIcouldn'tbreathe kind of cry. In front of everyone. Yes. It was good. Anyway... long story short, Josh FINALLY got me out of there. We went to Denny's to get food. I do not remember much else of what happened besides becoming vaguely familiar with the bathroom floor at Denny's. Low.Point.

I must express appreciation to my new friend Angie. Dragging someone you barely know back and forth to the bathroom all night is not usually something that makes your night complete, but she was an absolute doll and took care of me. Thanks Ang!!!

- Ohhhh K. So... Vegas. Gray's 21st birthday was a few days ago. He planned this big trip to Vegas, which we had been talking about for about a year. Well.. being the adult I am, it turned out that I couldn't end up going because we had too many managers out and blah blah blah. Sooo... I understand that Gray was upset but... gotta do what you gotta do. Anyway... so Jess, Aaron, Gray and PJ ended up going to Vegas. When they got back I found out someone else had gone with them... Duh duh duh. Who else but Mr. PKS (name has been changed to protect his assholeness)?!

Okay... Really guys? REALLLLY? Talking to him. Being cordial. Being adult. Normal behavior. Yeah. I get that. Inviting him to hang out? Taking him on a trip? Going out of your way to talk to him? Um... Hmm... I am not really quite sure how to put things into words on this one (hense the massive hysterical outburst at the club).

Regardless how many times you've told me "he's changed"... that means nothing to me. Because you don't know him. You "know" the person he is pretending to be. You know what he wants you to know. I was the one that was on the crazy train for 4 years. I know him. People who have been around for the last 4 years know him. And every single person who does, can see right through him. Sooo... Yeah. A bit of a pickle.

- I love Tommy. Love love love him. I honestly don't know what I would do without him.

- So setting intentions has really been working out for me lately. So I am currently putting in writing that I plan on moving to Washington/Seattle in February/March of next year. That means it has to happen. I need a change.

- Also, setting the intention that when Rodger's Memorial does Hairspray this next year, I will be Tracy and fulfill my goal of being on stage at least ONCE in my life. Plus, I am Tracy. This should not be that far of a stretch.

- I also love my best friend. When I tell him "I want to look like so and so because she is the most beautiful person I've ever seen", he tells me "Actually... You look A LOT like her". Even if I'm the fat version of her, it was a nice sentiment.

Um... I think that'll do today. :)

..a little hurt..

So when I'm upset or not friends with one person, I try really hard not to be like "YOU CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITH THAT PERSON BECAUSE I'M NOT FRIENDS WITH THAT PERSON". Really. I used to be bad with that, and I feel I've gotten a lot better (mostly because my best friend is one of those "I have to find out about people for myself" kind of people). However, a current situation has caused me to revert back to this previous way of thinking.

It hurts.

It's not like this was just a misunderstanding. It's not like this was just a disagreement between two friends. This was someone who, for four years, made me miserable 89% of the time. This is someone who went out of their way to hurt me. Who said things to me that I wouldn't even say to my worst enemy (meaning him currently), while still claiming to care about me.

And you were there for all that. You saw everything I went through. You were the ones comforting me when I was upset. You were the ones that I came to because I was completely broken and miserable. Who tried to help me find places to live because I couldn't live there anymore.

And it wasn't even me. You saw it first hand. He was completely horrible to you as well. Why would you want that around you?

I realize that they've said they've changed. And it's great to give second chances. But I heard that for four years. They won't change. Underneath all the smiles and nice things they do for you, they are still the same person they were 6 months ago. Still the same person they will be six months from now.

A quote that is from one of my favorite shows (One Tree Hill):
"Do you think people can change, Brooke? I mean, truly change?" - R
"Well, I'd like to say yes. But honestly? I don't think people really can change. You know at the end of the day you are who you are, and it's probably who you've always been." - B

Just because you fake it, doesn't mean you're any different.

So to sum it up, I understand that everyone has to come to their own conclusions with people. Draw their own opinions. But this wasn't just an opinion. I don't know of many people who don't know this about him. Notice I said "KNOW", not "THINK". Plenty of people know.

<3

..moving on..

I stumbled upon this quote today:

"You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future"

It was completely appropriate considering conversations that I've been having lately. And by lately, I mean yesterday and today. So of course, let's blog.

I've had a rough time trusting people in my life. Usually, the people I trusted the most were the ones to hurt me the most. I don't give my trust to people very freely, so each time something happened with a so called "friend", it would cause me to build up all of these insecurities about every single person in my life. Even against the ones that didn't deserve it. Especially against the ones that don't deserve it.

The last year has been almost a reconstructive year in my life. I have gotten rid of the poison in it and by doing so, other portions of my life have started to align. My job is better. My financial situation is better. Everything seems to be just falling into place. However, the one thing I am still having a problem with is trusting people. I am surrounded by amazing friends. And yet, I still don't trust them completely. I have a best friend who constantly tells me that he loves me because he knows that I need to hear it. But I still push him away. I still make up these little "issues" in my head to validate pulling away from him. He's been super patient with me, but I know it's wearing on him. It came to a boiling point yesterday.

So last night I went home and thought about what I can do to fix this one thing that is holding me back from being 100% completely happy. I have to let go of the past. I can't keep holding on to all those insecurities and trust issues. I had a friend tell me today that "like attracts like". I am attracting the people that I want in my life now. And I've attracted some pretty amazing people at this point. I need to focus on those relationships instead of assuming the worst and comparing them to people who they are nothing like. That will make all the difference.

..favorite quote..

Another quote from my awesomely sarcastic friend Lindsey. Check out her blog at http://lindseysrantings.blogspot.com/. Readers be warned.

Tasha: "Everyone just assumes I have had sex! What? Do I look like some kind of giant whore or something?!"

Lindsey: "No no no. If you're young and single and good-looking people just assume you've had sex. It's a good thing. When people are shocked that you HAVE had sex, THAT'S when you should worry."

I'll take that as a compliment.

..how much is that doggy in the window?..

I got a puppy! Finally!! He is a miniature daschund and he is the runt of his litter so he is LITERALLY the size of a hamster. Look!

Iiii know! His name is Link (named after Hairspray, not Zelda). Also because he is a weiner dog.. aka a sausage link. Him is adorable and I love him lots.

He's just kind of a pain in the ass. Like a baby. Only he is MY baby so it's not like my nephew. I can't give him back to his momma and papa when he starts being a brat.

But I love him :)

..long weekends are my best friends..

I love weekends. I love long weekends more. This happens to be a long weekend. So I love it even more.

So just a few thoughts for today:

- I pride myself on being a relatively smart person. I feel like I've always had the "book smarts". And I've been through quite a bit in my real life to make me feel like I have the "street smarts". Sooo anyway... We went on the boat on Sunday. We were there from approximately 11:00AM to 5:00PM (a long day of boating). Several times throughout the day, Joshua BFF said "Tasha. I think you need to put on sunscreen. You're going to get burned". Me, being stubborn, of course said "Oh no stupid BFF Josh, I want to get TAN! I don't need sunscreen!" (there may have been wine and/or beer involved). So I proceed to lay around the boat all day with no screenage. Monday comes around - I am a lobster. I am so burned that I can't even walk because my knees are burned and swollen. I have never been so burned in my whole life. So the plus side was I would have a nice lovely tan. But now it's peeling so really I will just have a splotchy tan. It's all for nothing... except maybe the lesson that when your friends tell you that you are getting burned, you should probably put on sunscreen. I'm sure from now on, everyone will be babysitting me and constantly telling me to put on sunscreen. Go me.

- Went with the crew to see Eclipse last night. It's my favorite of the 4 books so I was kind of nervous about it. I loved the other two movies, but movies NEVER live up to the books so since this is my favorite, I didn't want them to ruin it. Welll..... I loved it! It still wasn't as good as the book, but they did a really good job with it. All my favorite parts were there, nothing was ruined, and there was a hot, killer vampire that I would certainly be okay dying for.

- Jenna is moving back home. Boo on her. Again with the moving people!? WHHHHY? (shut up Jenna, I know it's to be back with your family) But still. Boooooo. On a positive note - She will now be in a good vacinity to help me find apartments/jobs/a life when I decide to move to Washington next year. So that is the plus of her abandoning all of her Utah friends. Heheh. I'm not as angry as I sound. Maybe a little bitter.

That's all.

..it's not about who you've known the longest. It's about who came and never left your side...

We all know that I am a huge fan of quotes. Tonight I was talking to a friend and we were talking about connections with people, and this quote came to mind:

"It's not about who you've known the longest. It's about who came and never left your side"

I've heard it before. Many times. For some reason, it really resonated with me tonight. I know that a lot of people put so much emphasis on how long they've been friends with someone. I've had arguments with friends in the past about loyalties and "oh I've known you longer, you should be on my side through this and this and this" (a constant struggle with my latest ex best friend). Does length of time mean everything?

Sometimes you meet someone and have an instant connection with them. It's kind of inexplicable. Just a friend that from the moment you meet them, you feel extremely comfortable with them. It's almost like you don't have to lay the groundwork for a really good friendship - it's already there.

Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of people in my life right now who I have good relationships with that I've known for years, but for the most part, the people I'm closest to in my life right now, I've known a little over a year, maybe shorter than that. They are just such good people that as soon as I met them, I knew that they were meant to be in my life. They made me realize that I shouldn't settle for sub par friendships in my life and that I CERTAINLY shouldn't settle for people who don't bring anything positive to my life.

So whilst sometimes you do have those friends who you've known your whole life, who you will continue to have good friendships with throughout your life, it doesn't always mean everything. More than likely, it's LESS the amount of time you've known that person and MORE about the kind of person they are. That is where loyalty comes from.

..favorite quote..

*Just another day sitting in the basement at our old house*

(conversation between Gray & Josh)

Josh: "Tasha's boobs are mine"
Gray: "No, they are mine"
Josh: "I had them first!"
Gray: "Uh... no... Actually, I had them first!"
Josh: "Well... then why don't you use them!?"

Yep. That's my life.

..summer is here... finally..

Happy summer my peeps (or internet world since I'm not sure how many of my "peeps" actually read this)! Finally we are getting some warm weather. Hallelujah.

This is another random post. Because they are fun.

- So You Think You Can Dance is AMMMMMAAAZZZZINNNNGGG already this season. The boys are so much stronger than the girls, but they do have a couple of really great girls on there too. To add to that, I have a confusing dilemma. Anyone who knows me knows that I have an unfounded hatred toward Asians. Bahhahahahaha. Just kidding. I don't hate them. I just find myself not liking them. That's terrible. You all think I'm racist now.... But I digress... ANYWAY... There is this (asian) ballet dancer named Alex. He is PHENOMENAL. Seriously. I don't think I've seen anyone that dances like him. So I have my first asian (and I'm sure gaysian) crush. This is confusing and unsettling for me. But seriously? Go and youtube Alex Wong Miami Ballet. Ahhhhh.

Also on this topic - Lyrical HipHop? Genius. Lauren and Dom did a routine to If I Were a Boy last night. Chillys! And Bleeding Love (Chelsea & Mark) is STILL my favorite SYTYCD routine ever. I heart it.

Just makes me miss dancing.

- Friends. Girls. Girl. Friends. At some point in my life (after high school maybe), I grew... weary of friendships with girls. I feel like there is too much drama and cattiness that happens between girls. The coin is still up in the air if gay boys are really ANY better in terms of that, but that has been my most current belief. Anywhoozle... So over the last 5 or 6 years, I have had VERY FEW GOOOD girl friends. I had friends that were girls, but most of them were the catty kind. So that being said, recently I have found myself quite blessed to have discovered a good base of girly friends. I went out and had a girl's night with said group of girls this week and it was just nice to be around people who really are soooo similar to me. The three people I hung out with are scarily alike to myself. Don't get me wrong, I ADORE all my other friends. The youngsters. The talented ones. They all perform. They have that in common. And I always find myself feeling like an outsider no matter how much I love them. These other friends are pretty much at the same point I am in my life. We have all been through variations of the same things. We just understand each other. It's a nice feeling.

- Shocker of all shocks - I have yet to get my pass for Lagoon. I've just been really busy with other things and haven't been able to do it. I think Aaron and Gray hate me a little bit for that.

- If I don't get my iPhone here soon, I am going to have to buy myself a new blackberry. I am so sick of being the only person using a child's Nokia flip phone. I am a professional for heaven's sake! I need a growed up phone!

That might be all for now. Shalom bitches.

..sunday quote..

Another favorite:

(about halfway into our midnight trip to Jackson Hole last summer):
Lindsea: "Gray's already asleep.."
Tasha: "Shocking..."
Lindsea: "Yeah. He's always the first person asleep..."
Josh (dead serious): "You know what that means right?"
Tasha/Lindsea: "What??"
Josh: "...small penis"

Hehe. :)

..sunday quote..

I love quotes. Last summer, our friends group started a respective "quote wall" to remember everything we say. Because... we're witty. It's true. I'm gonna start picking some of my favorite old ones, and some new ones that are sure to come along over this summer. This is my favorite one from a girl I worked with last summer. Hilarious is she.

We were cleaning one day and Lindsey found a plastic crown in the drawer of the front desk at our office -

Lindsey: "this is really small. maybe it's meant for a child"
Me: "haha. yeah. I'm not sure how many crowns they make for adults nowadays"
Lindsey: "Yeah well, with all your gays, you would know"


:)

..you can't stop the beat..

Just a couple things to annouce:

- Pride was a success! And by "success" I mean a "hot mess". Josh and I had drank a bottle of Bailey's (with chocolate milk of course), a bottle of Kahlua (with delicious iced coffee, of course) and a bottle of watermelon Smirnoff all before noon. There was a parade. There was yelling out random things and embarrassing ourselves. It was hotter than the surface of hell, and I was FRIED by the end of the day, but I got to be with my best friends and see a lot of people that I haven't seen in ages, and it was a good day. I also saw "he who must not be named", but he stayed a good distance away from me, so even that couldn't ruin my day! :)

- Josh is Link in Hairspray! The regional premiere at Riverton City. I'm so super proud of him. I think he doubts how talented he is sometimes and this is a really great thing for him. He's the FIRST LINK in Utah. That's huuuuuge. PLUS Hairspray is one of my... top 3 favorite musicals, so I probably will end going to see it 4 or 5 times. Don't judge me. Or do. I don't care.

That's pretty much it. Glee's season finale is tonight. Don't fuck it up Glee! :)

..somewhere over the rainbow..

Another Pride weekend is upon us.

I will be drinking.

Starbucks and Kahlua at 9:30 in the morning on Sunday. You bet your ass.

Because if I have to be around that many big old flamers, you can be sure I will need immense amounts of the juice.

It also marks the first time since 2006 that I haven't been "actively" fighting with someone and had to spend the whole time avoiding people (read: Mindy).

Although... I will be trying to avoid Satan and his mistress. *cough* But that is a daily occurence.

It shall be super fun!

..so you think you can dance?... not anymore!..

Welcome back! Randomness! Yay!

- I miss dancing (see title). I <3 So You Think You Can Dance. It is MY American Idol (pee dot ess... American Idol? You SUCKED this year. Time to go). Believe it or not, I danced from the time I was about 5 up until I graduated high school. Was I amazingly talented? No. I didn't have the "natural talent" that so many of my friends have. BUUUUUUUUUT... I worked EXTREMELY hard at it because I love it. I was crushed when I didn't make the dance company my sophmore year. But I worked really hard over the summer, went to classes, went to dance camp with the team, and by the time junior year started, I was on the team. I was originally put as an alternate on Bonnie Lassies my senior year, but I worked a little bit harder and performed EVERY SINGLE performance with the team and it was the best year of my life. So yeah, I was never amazing, but I was better than good. ANYWAYYYYY... pathetic rant over. I just miss it. Everyone around me is so talented and I don't have that "thing" anymore that I love to do. Sooooo... Yeah. I need to figure out how to get that back.

- I heart Josh's family. Of all the friends that I've had, I've never been really close to any of their families. Usually the opposite. They are invited to my family things. They are close to my mom. They love my family. And I don't know anything about theirs (except maybe they are crazy). Anyway... Josh's family is amazing. They always make me feel like part of the family. His mom is pretty much the sweetest lady ever. I'm glad that I have them as my second little home/family.

- I am on a roll at work. I've sold 4 FOUR!!!!! suites this week. That equals commission for Tasha and that means Tasha gets to go shopping for new clothes because she needs them. Yay!

- The cutest puppy has been at my work this week (shhhhh... no animals allowed). She is a miniature wiener dog and SOOOO little. I fell in love with her. She was $400. I don't got that kind of money. Damn you lady with puppy. Damn y0u.

- They have fixed my A/C in my apartment. It now gets cold in 5 minutes flat. I love it. It makes me like this mini apartment so much more.

- Oh Glee. I have a love/hate relationship with you this season. When you're good, you're AMAZING and make me cry. The bad thing is that (other than Brittany), the show has kind of fallen flat this season. There have been a handful of REALLY good songs, but for the most part... ehhhhhhhh. Mr. Shu? I think you are kind of a tool. Aren't you supposed to be teaching these kids something? Because you're a.... teacher? Not showing them that you should do ANYTHING you can to win. Hmmm... I do like your style though. So kudos there. Just please, for the love of god, STOP RAPPING.
To be fair though, I just watched the "Faithfully" sneak peak from the season finale and it make me get chills and teary eyes, sooooo... the finale might redeem this short and lack luster season.

- Speaking of Glee - Brittany. She could be my best friend. She is hilarious. Her one liners kill me. Man oh man. Everyone says they want her part to be bigger. NO! Keep her where she is. You'll ruin it if you change it!

Annnnd... that might be it for today.

- Oh! One sided friendships piss me off. But that is a story for another day :)

- OH OH! And I love summer. It's coming. And I like it.

..i want to forgive you and i want to forget you..

I am a fan of the random bullet blogs today so that is what you are going to get. Yay!


- For the first time in my grown up life, I now have cable and internet in my apartment. Congratulations are in order.

- I also bought a desk last night for said computer. Since I am a girl and lack the fundamental tools to put together said desk, I improvised. I was mocked, but it turns out you CAN put together a desk with super glue and a butter knife when you do not have a screwdriver. It was currently still standing when I left for work this morning, so I consider that a job well done. And I'm slightly impressed with my talent.

- It is possible to have a heart attack when you are 25 years old. Especially when your boss tells you that you (and other managers) have until July 1st to "break even" or you may lose your job. Hearing this will not only make your heart stop for a minute, but it will also make you burst into tears directly following meeting. Don't be embarrassed.

- I am currently out of Tylenol PM. Turns out when you admit to your "best friend" that you may have an problem (jokingly), he will take the Tylenol PM and flush it down the toilet. Tough Love.


- Scenario: (completely hypothetical of course) Say you and a close friend had a falling out. You were horrible to them for quite a few years and pretty much made their life miserable at every opportunity you could. Say they may need extensive psycho therapy for several years to come. So now you're "changing" your bastardily ways and wants this friend back in your life. You have tried to contact said friend numerous times, through email/text/calling/facebook, etc and have not recieved one response from them in any way, shape or form. You also noticed that this friend has now blocked you from contacting them on Facebook. Also, everyone who you know tells you that you need to just back off and leave this person alone. If you are going to be forgiven EVER (which you won't be), you need to let this person come to you in time. So knowing all of this, your next step would be:

A. Respect this person's wishes and all advice given to you and leave them alone. Learn something from the situation and move on and apply to the current relationships in your life.

or

B. Continue stalking and emailing and texting and calling this person to try to wear them down. All the while insisting "you've changed", "you aren't doing this to get into anyone else's good graces", and "you wish there was something you could buy "friend" to make up for everything shitty you've done".

Hmmm.. Tough one. (

Totally hypothetical. Of course.

- On a completely different and unrelated note, when a particular someone says "Everyone else can forgive me, why can't you?", it may cause me to see red and have rage blackouts. First of all, you ASS, you've been a mental terrorist for the better part of the last 4 years. I'm pretty sure if you'd done to them what you've done to me, they wouldn't even bat a lash in your direction. So go ahead and try to make nice with every single one of my friends to try to prove that I'm unforgiving and being unreasonable, but that isn't going to change the fact that I want nothing to do with you. At all. Ever. Thanks!

-Lagoon in coming. I am excited. :) And I don't care if you're judging me.