..music for life (pissed version) edition 1..

It's been awhile. I always want to be witty and fun on here so it discourages me from writing when I am not. :) I am not going to be witty today either, but I've been dealing with a situation this week that made me realize (once again) that I use music for EVERYTHING in my life. When I'm upset or happy or hurt or angry, there is always a song to identify. So through my awesome girlfriends, Mindy and Jenna, we pretty much have the market cornered on playlists for when we're pissed/hurt/over the boys (or anyone really, but mostly boys) that are in our lives. For your (or mostly my own) entertainment, my"pissed off playlist" (including some of my favorite lyrics):

Undo It -Carrie Underwood
"Now your photos don't have a picture frame,
and I never say your name and I never will.
All your things, well I threw them in the trash,
and I'm not even sad"

You're Not Sorry - Taylor Swift
"All this time I was wasting hoping you would come around.
I've been giving out chances every time and all you do is let me down.
And it's taken me this long, baby but I figured you out.
And you're thinking we'll be fine again, but not this time around"

Take a Bow - Rihanna
"Grab your clothes and get gone.
You better hurry up before the sprinklers come on.
Talking about "Girl I love you, you're the one".
This just looks like a rerun. Please. What else is on?"

How Strong Are You Now? - Rascal Flatts
"Before she left you told yourself it can't hurt that much
Now you're doubled over like you took a punch.
No she ain't coming back, tell me how much can you take of that?
How strong are you now? Without her around?
You can't even keep one little bitty tear from falling down.
Tell me how strong are you now?"

Fearless - Colbie Caillat
"Then this is how it ends and I'm alright with it, you're never gonna see me cry cause I've cried
So go on, go on and break my heart, I'll be okay.
There's nothing you can do to me, that's ever gonna bury me"

Brave - Idina Menzel
"If this is the moment I stand here on my own.
If this is my right of passage that somehow leads me home
I might be afraid, but it's my turn to be brave.
If this is the last chance before we say goodbye,
at least it's the first day of the rest of my life.
I can't be afraid, it's my turn to be brave"


No Reins - Rascal Flatts
"She left that loser in a dust cloud, heart in his hand, chin on the ground,
cried her last tear for that clown, she can see a little clearer now"


Songs Like This - Carrie Underwood
"If it wasn't for guys like you, there wouldn't be songs like this,
and if you hadn't gone and done me wrong, I wouldn't go off like this.
Yeah, even I'm surprised how easy sweet reveng rolls off my lips
If it wasn't for guys like you there wouldn't be songs like this"

Forever and Always - Taylor Swift
"Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest that made you run and hide
like a scared little boy?
I looked into your eyes, thought I knew you for a minute, now I'm not so sure."

Everything You're Not - Demi Lovato
"I've been bruised and I've been broken, can't believe that I put up with all this pain.
I've been used and I was choking on the promise I would never fall again.
I used to sing to your twisted symphony.
The words that had me trapped inside your misery
But now I know the reason that I couldn't breathe.
Cause all I want is everything you're not
So go ahead and slam the door cuz you can't shut me out.
No I don't, don't care what you say
Cuz all I really, all I really want is everything you're not"

That's all for now! Tata!

..flaws (or things that i've accepted in myself)..

So after a conversation that I've had with one of my closest friends, I have been really anazlying things in my life that I could maybe change and make things easier on people (myself included). I feel like I've really changed over the last few years. I've gotten rid of some really bad habits, I'm working on becoming more healthy, and financially stable. I'm really proud of those things. However I do feel that there are things that other people might see as faults. They are things that I know are hard to deal with sometimes and that don't really make sense, but they are also things that make me, ME. So I have decided to accept them because the people who really love me and are meant to be in my life will understand that. :)

1). Emotional. I cry over nothing. Or I cry over everything. Potato, potahto. I'm emotional. I don't think that comes as a shock to anyone. Usually girls, are emotional. Maybe not as much as I am, but still. I cry. I'm moody. I throw fits. I pout. I guilt trip. Good news? Being emotional also means that when I'm happy, I'm EXTREMELY happy. When I love, I love with my whole heart. I put everything I have into my relationships with all the people in my life. I may feel things really intensely, but it's not JUST the bad things.

2). I read WAY too much into everything. If you short text me, I will over analyze it. I will wonder why you are sending me one word texts and assume it's because you hate me. Or you're pissed off at me. Logically? I should assume you are busy. Or that you're being safe and not texting and driving. But I don't. I will decide you hate me and pester you all night about why you hate me. Sorry about that. Good news? You will never get short texts from me. I will overthink everything I say to you to make sure I don't hurt your feelings.

3). Insecure. "Yay! Insecurities!" I don't think anyone ever says that. No one likes them, but they aren't something you can just get rid of. More than likely, any insecurity or self conscious feeling you have derived from an instance (or several) in your life. And sometimes, those kinds of things just don't go away. My "insecurities" come from in the past choosing to keep people in my life who were really toxic. People who would constantly remind me how lucky I was to have them in my life, while slowly breaking down any self confidence I have in myself. People who were shady and hurtful and said things that people who care about you should never ever say. This wasn't just one instance. And this was absolutely my fault. I had the power to change that and eventually I did. However, it has left me with some extreme trust issues and some unbelievable scars. If you are close to me at all, you know this. If you are being shady, if you are being manipulative, I will constantly compare you to these people. Even if you aren't, but I feel like you are giving me signs relating back to things that have happened to me in the past, I will jump to the worst possible conclusion. Good news? I will go out of my way to make sure that I'm being open and honest with you. I will be on your side through anything and tell you 800 million times how much I love you and how lucky I am to have you in my life. You never have to worry about me betraying you because I would never want you to feel the way that I know I've felt when someone I love has stabbed me in the back.

4). Reassurance Whore. This ties together with insecurities. I expect you to tell me how awesomely amazing I am. I expect you to tell me you love me. I expect you to reassure me when I'm having a rough night and am being difficult and hateful and trying to start fights with you. I know I'm a pain in the ass sometimes. I know I expect a lot, but I promise I will do the same exact thing for you when you need it. Probably even when you don't.

I make a lot of mistakes. I'm nowhere near perfect. I say things I don't mean. I am HORRIBLE at confrontation. I can't prioritize to save my life. I spend too much time on Facebook. I don't know anything about politics. I will drive you crazy sometimes. But...

I'm me. Take it or leave it. :)

..copy cat - 50 things i love..

I've noticed that all the blogs I subscribe to have been doing this, so I'm gonna do it too :)

50 things I love:
1. Family.
2. Rain.
3. Cafe Rio.
4. Friends.
4. Grape Crystal Light (thx Jessica!).
5. Cinnamon Bears... or Bunnies.. or Santas.
6. Tanning.
7. My Best Friend.
8. Dancing.
9. Singing in the Car.
10. Cute Text Messages.
11. Teal.
12. Facebook.
13. Hugs.
14. Books.
15. My Nephew.
16. My Job.
17. People Who Communicate.
18. Zupas Ultimate Grilled Cheese.
19. MUSIC.
20. Late Night Applebee's Trips.
21. Pens That Write Well.
22. Love Spell Lotion.
23. Washington.
24. Blackberries (the phones).
25. Yogurt.
26. Lazy Days.
27. Being Sore from Working Out.
28. Laughing Til You Cry.
29. Cuddling.
30. Moutain Dew.
31. Sleeping In.
32. Spring :)
33. Road Trips!
34. Living Alone.
35. Reconnecting with old friends.
36. Bonding with new friends.
37. Musicals.
38. F.R.I.E.N.D.S (the tv show)
39. Sleepovers.
40. Stars.
41. Emotions.
42. Flat Irons.
43. iPods.
44. Boy.
45. Texting.
46. American Idol.
47. Cheesecake.
48. Dreams.
49. Meaningful Conversations.
50. Life.

..four things that suck about living in an apartment...and four things that don't..

Sooo... For the most part, I LOVE my new apartment. But I had lived in a house for a year so some things are taking some adjusting to. Here is the gripe list:

1) Laundry Facilities. The apartments at my complex aren't big enough to house a washer and dryer (not that I have one to house even if it were). I've lived with Robbie for the last year or so and he has everything. So when he bought a new washer/dryer? I had a new washer/dryer! Yayyyy. So... the up side is that at least my apartment complex has laundry facilities ON SITE. And it's pretty large. But really the only time I have time to do laundry is on Sundays. Well... apparently that is the only the time WHOLE DAMN APARTMENT COMPLEX has time to do laundry too. Which is fine. I can wait. What I HATE is that people will put their laundry in and then not come move it from washer to dryer or from dryer to their hamper. So it just sits there taking up space and my ONE load of laundry ends up taking 5 hours to do because I am waiting for a washer or a dryer to be available. Plus I have to pay for it and no one likes paying to do chores.

2) Gym Time. So you've all been reading my previous blogs about getting in shape. Well.. I was planning on using my gym at my apartment. Free! Yay! So the first couple days I lived there I went in and there were quite a few people in there, but there were still a couple machines to use. Well... Every.Single.Day that I've gone back, the army of "terrorists" (yes, I realize this is racial profiling. No, I don't care) have confiscated the ENTIRE gym and all of its machines. They all go in together and while one of them is running, the other one sits and talks to them. Then they switch. I've tried waiting. I've tried going back later. They are ALWAYS there. So I have taken to doing Turbo Jam in my (tiny) living room.

3) Quiet Time. "Quiet Time" is between the hours of 10PM and 6AM. Which isn't BAD, I mean, I tend to go to bed pretty early during the week anyway. But there are some days when I have people over, and as a group... we tend to be pretty loud. I've been avoiding having any sort of housewarming party or anything because *cough* sometimesthereisalcoholinvolved *cough* and *cough* sometimessomeofmyfriendsareunderage *cough* and I don't want the po-po showing up on my doorstep. It was much easier to conceal this in a house (except when certain "roommates" would threaten to call the cops on us because he is bat shit crazy... that's all I'm saying).

4) Proximity. This will be on my "good" and "bad" list. The bad part of it is everytime someone is vacuuming their apartment at 7:30 on a Saturday morning, I can hear it. When the people behind me slam their kitchen cupboard doors shut (which they do ALL.NIGHT.LONG.), I hear it. Also, I'm pretty sure that they probably think I'm being abused because on the nights that Josh stays over, we have a tendancy to hit/kick/bite/punch each other and scream and knock each other off the bed. Into walls. So they either think we are abusing each other or that we have a very... active?... love life. *cough* Either way, no bueno.

So... that is the gripes list. Now the things that are WONDERFUL about living in an apartment (especially an apartment that is just yours and no one elses... except for your gay boyfriend who keeps his toothbrush and deoderant in your bathroom):

1) Covered Parking. OMG. LOOVVE covered parking. I don't care much about it in the summer. But in the winter, or even when it's just cold, I LOVE IT. No more scraping off my car. No more trudging (and more than likely, falling) down while trying to scrape off my car. And my apartment complex doesn't have ASSIGNED covered parking, so I don't end up with one that is clear down the road from my apartment. I love that. Plus they really don't monitor it very well so even though they tell you that guests shouldn't park under the covered stuff, how will they know REALLY?

2) Maintenence Men. I can take care of a lot of things myself. I pride myself on being (at least a little) independent and grown up. But from living in our house I saw how much more work it was than an apartment. We (read: Robbie) would have to take care of things like broken heaters and flooded basements and clogged sinks and shit. We had a landlord, but he was a douche and Robbie ended up fixing everything instead of waiting on the deadbeat landlord to fix it. In my apartment, if any of those things go wrong, I just fill out a little form online and its magically taken care of when I get home from work. Yay!

3) Proximity. I'm kind of a baby. I'm paranoid and I always feel like someone is going to break in and murder me in the middle of the night. Whenever I would have to stay at my house by myself, I would sleep with the tv and the light on (yes, I am 12, thank you for asking) and would pray for daylight to come. The nice thing about my apartment is that I KNOW there are people around and that's comforting to me. Even if I'm alone in my apartment, there are 150 other units within walking distance of me. This also makes me feel like it's quite good odds that if someone WERE to go on a crazy killing spree, it would be less likely that they would choose my apartment. That's safety.

4) Small Space/Small Furniture. Maybe you wouldn't think of this as a "perk", but since I am the moving queen of the universe, that also means that when I move around, I have to pack. I hate packing. I LOATHE packing. Sooooo... having a smaller apartment means that I don't have to have much furniture in order to keep it furnished. Ergo - that means I also don't have much to move when I move around. Yay! This also means it's cheaper to furnish and I like that story.

So yeah. That is how I feel. Go me!

..let's give this another try shall we?..

So pretty much I bailed on my New Year's Resolutions pretty early into the year (shocking no? No.) So over the past few days I have realized that there are a few things that I need to make an EXTRA SUPER effort at and recommit to. So here I am. If I write it down, it makes it more real. Right?

Recommitment: Work.
Sometimes I am super driven and really good at following through with things. Sometimes... I am lazy. And I have been getting more and more lazy over the last couple of months. We are in this weird transition right now and one of the girls I work with KIND OF (read: ABSOLUTELY) makes me want to stab her in the neck with a dull pencil. So I am losing a lot of steam to actually want to get things accomplished. Good news is that she is transitioning to another role so hopefully (fingers crossed), she will be out of my hair and actually let me do my job. I really LOVE LOVE LOVE what I do. It's constantly changing and I love that. I don't get bored and people really make me feel like I make a contribution here, which is different from every other job that I've had. So I just need to get recommitted and stop focusing on possibly violent acts I could commit to said co worker. :)

Recommitment: Dieting.
AHHHHHH! I hate dieting. (Or not dieting, "change of lifestyle"). Usually if I start something, I'm pretty good about following through. Of course, the ONE thing that I NEED to follow through on the most, is the hardest for me. Dammit. I know I can do this. I just need to do it. I need to take a page out of Jessica's book and stuff my fridge with healthy (and not quite as delicious) food choices. So there's that.

Recommitment: Facebook.
No no silly peeps, I don't need to recommit TO Facebook. I need to take a step away from the book. I check it constantly. It's an addiction. So I am going to limit myself to checking it every other day and taking the FB notifications off my phone. I spend (read: waste) SOOOO much time on there it is ridiculous. FACEBOOK DOES NOT CONTROL ME!!!! ;)

Recommitment: Exercise.
Boooooo! When I was going to the gym with Brandon last year, I was soooo good about going everyday. We always had so much fun that it didn't seem like a work out as much to me. Another obstacle is I HATE just walking on a treadmill or stupid eliptical machine. Staring at a wall/tv/someone else for an hour is NOT good times. So I need to research some classes or something to do so that the thought of working out isn't what I dread everyday. A dance class or something.

Recommitment: Friendship.
I take pride in being a good friend. I love my friends and try to do what I can to help them and be there for them. But I had a gut check the other day that I'm not always a good friend to ALL my friends. I tend to have 1 or 2 people that I'm really close to at any given time, and I focus ALL my energy and loyalty to them. Which in turn makes me cancel plans, and kind of stop making efforts in other relationships in my life. There is one person in particular right now who I used to be super close to, who has been there for me more than anyone else in the world. Over the last 4 or 5 months, I've kind of let things fizzle out with him and I really need to make an effort to be a better friend to him. I have to learn from my mistakes. If you make one person your whole life, it's going to be a lonely day when (if for some reason) that person is no longer in your life. So I need to just be a more consistant friend to everyone and NOT just the people who are in my life on a daily basis.

Recommitment: Independence.
This is a big one for me. I've always, always struggled with this. I have a hard time being by myself. I like alone time, but it has to be when I choose to be alone, and not when I can't find anyone to do anything with. I've never been able to make decisions without running it past someone. I always need someone to validate my opinion and to validate me. I can't keep using friends/family/etc to be my crutch. I can't depend on anyone to "keep me in check" when it comes to dieting and exercising. I can't depend on anyone to make me pay my bills. I can't depend on anyone to tell me how to cut my hair or how to decorate my apartment or anything. I need to be able to do these things by myself. I'm 25 years old. It's time to cut the cord. I can't keep clinging to people and let other people define me.

This is OBVIOUSLY going to be a work in progress. But there it is.

..more people that make my life wonderful..

I'm in the thankful type mood again. When I had everyone over for dinner last night, I was just sitting there thinking about the amazing people I have in my life. People who I can completely be myself with. We're not always mature. We're not always grown ups. We're not perfect. But we are loving life right now and they honestly make me such a happier person. So I wanna do a little shout out.

1) Josh. There is HONESTLY not enough that I could say about him. We've only been friends a little bit over 6 months, but I can safely say that he knows more about me than anyone. We've been through a boatload of things that secured this bond that we have and as hard as it was at the time, I am so extremely grateful for it. He is possibly one of the best people I know. He's 100% honest with me, which helps me put 100% trust in him. He's real & genuine and AMAZINGLY talented. He doesn't see that in himself sometimes, but luckily he has a best friend that has no problem reminding him. :) This little paragraph doesn't even do him justice, but I am truly, truly blessed to have him in my life.

2) Gray. I have known Gray since he was a ripe little age of 15. Back in the day when we would make fun of him and try to convince him he was gay. We lost touch for a little while, but reconnected a few years ago. I'm woman enough to admit I had a teeny tiny crush on him. Obviously I got over that, but this past summer, he saved me. He came back full force into my life when I needed him the most. He was my run to guy. For everything. He defended me. He supported me. He consoled me when my heart was broken. He is so much younger than me but I look up to him so much. He is so driven and I know he is going to make a huge name for himself.

3) Aaron. He is another friend that I haven't known very long, but feel like I've known my whole life. Aaron is my pick me up. He tells me what I need to hear when I need to hear it. He never fails to make me feel better. He makes me laugh constantly. I don't feel like I ever have to impress him or be anything other than what I am. Aaron is the gay boy that if he were straight, we would get married. :) Maybe he is the gay boy that even though he is gay, we will still get married :) "We'll just have sex on the side, like married people do".

4) Lindsea. Oh how I love this girl. I don't think I've ever been this close to a friend girl. I just don't trust them. But Lindsea is completely different. Josh, Lindsea and Gray were LITERALLY the reasons that I made it through the summer. We were the Fantastic Four. Things have changed a little bit and we aren't able to hang out as much as we used to but I still adore her and she will continue to be one of my best friends always.

5) Matt. Amazing is what this boy is. He pretty much can outdance anyone that I know, and has a heart of gold. I have never met ANYONE like him. He is so comfortable with himself and that is such a foreign concept to me. I admire him so much for that. He makes me strive for that in my own life.

6) Jessica. Another girl who I absolutely adore. I met her through Gray last summer. It was a super awkward meeting and I didn't really get to know her very well until this past fall. I'm so glad I did. She is such an unbelievable person. She has this strength about her that I just feed off of. She is so strong and motivated and just a great person inside and out. She has sincerely become one of my closest friends and I can't imagine my life without her.

So this was super cheesy. I don't care. I love my friends. I love my life. That's all. :)

..4 new year's resolutions..

It's that time of year again! Time to make goals for the new year. Hopefully time to STICK to the goals for the new year... So here are a few of mine.

1. (shocker) Get back into shape. Currently I am a shape. I am round. Round is a shape. Most people know that I used to dance. I love it. And that is the one thing in my life that I really really miss about my past. So I am going to get back in the gym and start going to dance classes again. And eating healthy... which is worse than exercising :) But every year, I make this goal and every year I eff it up within the first month or two. But this time, I WILLLLLL follow through. There ya go. Created the intention. Done.

2. Focus. This is kind of a broad spectrum. I need to have more focus at work (aka, maybe not updating my blog while I'm working) (the new year hasn't started yet!). I get too distracted. I need to up my performance and really work on getting where I want to go. I need to focus on myself. This goes along with goal #1, but also focusing on getting my financial situation where it needs to be. I have done AMAZINGLY better in the last 6 months or so, but that was from really shitty rock bottom, so I still have a ways to go. I just want to make my life the best it can possibly be, and that is going to require me being a little more selfish and really changing certain things in my life. I'm up for it.

3. Go back to school. I was really bummed out with the Westminster thing fell through last year. I was so ready to go, but... there are no accidents. Obviously it wasn't my "time" to go back to school. But I am ready. I need to do this for myself and my future. So mark my words, by fall 2010, I will be in a financial place to be able to go back to school. Woooooo.

4. Drama free the way to be. I know there is always going to be drama in life. Things aren't always going to go my way and bad things will sometimes happen. But there is a big difference between drama you can't control and drama that you can. I choose to rid myself of the drama that I can control. I feel I've gotten rid of a major source of a lot of that drama, so now I just have to make sure to keep it that way.

All in all, over the last few weeks, I feel like this is a really big time for me. A time to shed all the baggage and hurt and the negativity and to really make a big change for myself. I have the most amazing people in my life right now. People who love me for me. Who are dependable and genuine and just truly wonderful people. They challenge me to be a better person and make me want to be. I feel like 2010 could be a really amazing year and I'm excited to see what it holds.

..7 things that bug me to no end..

1) People that come into restaurants 10 minutes before they close. I've never actually WORKED at a restaurant, but this still bugs me. 10 minutes before you leave your job don't you have things cleaned up? Let's be honest, at my job I have things cleaned up, my computer is off and my purse is sitting on my desk with my keys next to it. READY TO GO. So how about you think about that next time you walk into Chipotle's at 9:55 on a weekday? ESPECIALLY if you have a group of people with you. Poor little guys.

2) Leaving the shower curtain open in the bathroom. This might come from my mom's OCD. When I was growing up, if we showered and didn't shut the curtain after we were done, the wrath of Momster would be placed upon you. No one wants to look in your shower. I don't want you looking in my shower. CLOSE THE DAMN CURTAIN.

3) People who call people fat when they are OBVIOUSLY not fat. This ties into "People who call themselves fat when they are also OBVIOUSLY not fat". When we are watching tv and you tell me "Um... that girl is thick" and she is 12 sizes smaller than me? I WILL shoot you a dirty look and then refuse to talk to you for the rest of the evening. Even if I laugh at you, I do not think you are funny. That is my way to keep from ACTUALLY stabbing you in the jaw (which is what I am contemplating doing everytime you say it). If you think you really need to say that stuff, say it to someone that is not a good 8 to 12 sizes bigger than the person you are talking about.

4) Straight boys that act gay. Or gay boys that act straight. It gets confusing. I would prefer to not date a gay boy. I have fallen in love with them one to many times and refuse to be tricked again. Either act gay or straight. Don't mix and match.

5) People who use "I've just been so busy" as a reason not to keep in touch. You're busy? Who isn't busy?Life is busy. I make time to keep in touch with the people that I want in my life. It's not hard, especially with all the technology these days. I can send a text in 1.3 seconds. I doubt that what you are doing is that pressing that sending a text message would derail your whole life. But when I don't hear from you for a good 2 to 3 weeks, I assume you died. Make note.

6) Crushes. It's all there in the name. CRUSH.

7) Summer and Winter. Weird? Yeah. I know. I hate winter for the obvious reason: I hate snow. I hate it. I don't think it's pretty. I don't think its fun. No. I think it's a pain in the ass to not be able to drive from point A to point B without knowing if you are going to die on the way there. Not fun. Another reason to hate winter: Bulky clothes. You have to wear sweaters and jackets and scarves and 18 layers under all of that here in Good Old Utah. I am bulky enough thankyouverymuch. I hate summer for the exact opposite reason. It's too damn hot. My makeup melts off my face and I look like I have rosatia. I want to cover up my fat arms but I hate tan lines. I get invited to pool parties and have to fake sick *cough* so I don't have to go hang out with all of the skinny bitches in swimsuits. Yeah. Not a good time.

I'm kind of a downer today. Sorry about that! :)

..7 people that make my life a little bit better just by being in it..

I'm feeling really blessed today. So here ya go.

1) Cory Alan. We've had a long history. I may or may not have been in love with him when I was in high school. We've been through a lot, but he's the one that taught me what the definition of a "real friend" is. He's extremely talented and has traveled all over the world, and may have been 3,000+ miles away at any given time over the last 8 years, but he was there for me more than any of the people who were right here. He is an amazing person and I am blessed to have him in my life.

2) Mom. Dad. Josh. Jessica. Tristen. I seriously have the best family around (although apparently I don't take pictures of them, cuz I can't find any). They are my escape from the bad parts of my life. I know that maybe I haven't turned out to be EXACTLY what they wanted me to be, but they are always supportive. My brother is one of my best friends and Jessica is the sister that I've always wanted. I just love them all.

3) Marisa. I don't really have a whole lot of friends that are girls. Too much drama. Too much catty. The few that I do have are AMAZING people. Are we catty? Can we be evil and mean? Yeah. But not to each other and that is all that matters. She listens to my craziness and I laugh at her nonsense. We make fun of people and (like all good friends) we agree which whores we hate. It's a beautiful thing. KS KREW!


4) Cody. I've known him less time than most of the other people on this list, but that doesn't mean I love him any less. He is the perfect person for Kyle and I really think that I owe the friendship that I have today with Kyle to Cody. He's helped Kyle grow up into the amazing person he is today. At first, he was just "Kyle's boyfriend" but now he is someone that I truly love and consider to be one of my bestest friends. Puts a smile on my face everyday.


5) Jesse. I took Jesse in when he was just a little gay. :P Back in the day I never thought we would be where we are now. I tell Jesse EVERYTHING. He is the person that I go to when I need to vent, when I need to cry, when I need to laugh and when I need someone to assure me that what I'm doing is absolutely right and I couldn't have done it better (maybe not so much that last one). Sometimes it's hard to figure him out, but I wouldn't trade him in for anything. Love you Ju.




6) Kaylee. Um... She is just like me (only better). She has the kindest heart of anyone I have ever met. Ever. In my life, ever. She's the person that makes me feel better about life when I feel lonely and like I'm the only person in the world going through what I am going through. We cry over everything. We put 100% of ourselves into all the relationships in our life. I feel like I understand myself a little bit better after having one of our awesomely famous girl's nights. These are the kinds of girls that I need in my life.

7) Brandon. Sometimes I don't know what is going on with us. He can be the most confusing person in the history of the world. But when we're friends, we're best friends. I am more myself with Brandon than with anyone else. I think that we bring out each other's best and worst, and I have a connection with Brandon that will never ever be broken. It's something I count on.


Life is a confusing and unpredictable thing, but I am lucky enough to have people like this in my life to make a little more sense out of things :)

..10 things i am quite possibly addicted to..

1) Let's start with the most obvious. Facebook. ADDICTION. Quite possibly to the point of being unhealthy. Stalking? Usually illegal. On Facebook? THAT'S WHAT IT'S FOOORRRR. Yup. And everything everyone does is on that first little page when you log in. Information at the touch of a button. Amazement. BTW - MySpace sucks. I deleted mine. Facebook is the new MySpace (which I totally called 4 years ago before it went huge. That's right. I set trends).

2) Surveys. All the information that you NEVER EVER wanted to know about me? I am sure I have done a survey for it. I'm sure I have done every survey on Facebook/MySpace/anyotherwebsiteyoucouldpossiblyfind two or three times. Do people make fun of me for it? Yes. Do I care? Not in the least. Chances are if you make fun of me for it, I do more of them just to spite you. That's the kind of person I am. Deal.

3) More to Love. Now... TECHNICALLY, I haven't actually SEEN the tv show. Just the commercials for it last night. Premise: Girls that are NOT a size 2 (like all the other reality dating show contestants on tv) Bachelor style. Um... Yes. I am not a size 2. I am not a size 12. Neither is half of America. Probably more than half. However, all reality tv contestants? Size 2. MAYYYYBBBEEE 4. Unless you are on one of those tv shows where they are making fun of you, you don't see REAL girls looking for love. So anyway... Saw the preview for it last night. Starts in July. I WILL be addicted to it. It could possibly make me cry. The only thing I want to know is why I wasn't invited to the casting call. Hmm...

4) Growing my hair out. I used to have long hair. Ass long. I got sick of it one summer and couldn't get into a salon to get it cut for a few days. My dad got sick of me whining about it and took some scissors to it. Chopped it to my shoulders. Yeah. Traumatizing. Since then I have really only had short hair. I've been growing it out since... Octoberish and IT JUST ISN'T GROWING FAST ENOUGH. Bah. I have been taking prenatal vitamins because someone told me that it helps your hair grow. Really? The only thing I've noticed is that my rack is getting bigger. That is not a negative thing because I feel it makes my waist look smaller, but... I WANT LONG HAIR DAMMIT. So yes, it has become an obsession.

5) Twitter. This kind of ties into the whole "I love facebook stalking" thing. I have a few friends on there, but for the most part I am just following celebrities. Are they the ACTUAL celebrities? Probably not. But I like to pretend they are. The only downside to Twitter is that when your friends tell you they are doing something to get out of hanging out with you, and then you get a Tweet that they are actually hanging out with your sworn enemy? Um... Time to get new friends. Maybe.

6) Textsfromlastnight.com. OMG. I think this is my favorite thing that I've come across in the last... well... ever. Probably because I have a handful of people that most of these text COULD be from. *cough* Michael *cough* You go that website and tell me that you aren't crying tears of laughter in like 4 minutes and I will happily stab you in the jaw. HILARIOUS.

7) My nephew Tristen. Yes. He is 7 months old and the cutest baby of all time. I know lots of people say that, and I could be bias, but LOOK AT HIM:

Anything cuter than that? No. Seriously. He is just getting to that stage where he is starting to "talk". Mostly it's jibberish, and he just laughs all the time. He is the first "grandchild" in our little family of me and my brother and I don't even care that my YOUNGER brother is more than likely going to get married before me, because I have this little button of a nephew. I can't get enough of him.


8) Twilight. I know, I know. Big surprise. I can't help it. I blame my mother. She read them first and for a year she was like "You have to read these books!" and I was like "Vampires? No. Never. Hate them." But when I was living alone and being depressed last year, I finally borrowed them from her and... she was right. I do love them. I am not sure WHY exactly I love them, maybe because I haven't dated anyone in so long that a vampire boyfriend sounds damn good right now. Yep. Will take anything. Moving on. I've read the books way too many times to count & I'm okay with that.

9) Jen Lancaster. She is the author of "Bitter is the New Black", "Bright Lights, Big Ass", "Such a Pretty Fat" and "Pretty in Plaid". HILARIOUS. If you like chick lit (and you should), I definitely recommend it. She also has a blog: jennsylvania.com, and she is seriously one of those people that I know I would be best friends with if we were ever to meet in person.

10) Going to the Gym. HA! Fooled you. This is something I am HOPING to become addicted to. Right now I am at the point where I hate it. LOATH it. Just while I'm doing it though. Afterwards I feel wonderful and want to go home and eat healthy food. But while I'm there, I am pretty much screaming at Jesus for creating fat people. Yeah. I said it. But I really do have it in my goals to get "healthier" (read: skinny). I'm working on it and people have been telling me I'm looking good (but again, this could also be do to the fact that my knockers are getting bigger from the prenatals). But we shall see. :)