..(creative title goes here)..

Just randomness because I don't have energy for anything more than that but I feel like I haven't updated in awhile....



- First of all, eff this game.



- Whoever said to drown your sorrows in booze was clearly suicidal. I had a REALLY rough week last week (personal life wise, not business. I rocked the business). So Friday night Josh and Aaron were like "Club! YAY!" I haven't been in awhile (nor have I drank in awhile), so I thought "YAY!" Anyway... I'm super smart and drank pretty much a whole bottle of mango rum. It happens. Soooo... I know that seems overkill, but I think that I would have been fine had it not been for the two additional drinks at the club. It was JT's birthday! Come on! Sooo... My memory of the night is.. hazy at best, but at some point I ended up downstairs with Gray and somehow Vegas (more on that later) came up... and then all I remember are hysterics. This wasn't just a "Oh, Tasha is having one of her moments" kind of cry. This was an all out cryingsohardIcouldn'tbreathe kind of cry. In front of everyone. Yes. It was good. Anyway... long story short, Josh FINALLY got me out of there. We went to Denny's to get food. I do not remember much else of what happened besides becoming vaguely familiar with the bathroom floor at Denny's. Low.Point.

I must express appreciation to my new friend Angie. Dragging someone you barely know back and forth to the bathroom all night is not usually something that makes your night complete, but she was an absolute doll and took care of me. Thanks Ang!!!

- Ohhhh K. So... Vegas. Gray's 21st birthday was a few days ago. He planned this big trip to Vegas, which we had been talking about for about a year. Well.. being the adult I am, it turned out that I couldn't end up going because we had too many managers out and blah blah blah. Sooo... I understand that Gray was upset but... gotta do what you gotta do. Anyway... so Jess, Aaron, Gray and PJ ended up going to Vegas. When they got back I found out someone else had gone with them... Duh duh duh. Who else but Mr. PKS (name has been changed to protect his assholeness)?!

Okay... Really guys? REALLLLY? Talking to him. Being cordial. Being adult. Normal behavior. Yeah. I get that. Inviting him to hang out? Taking him on a trip? Going out of your way to talk to him? Um... Hmm... I am not really quite sure how to put things into words on this one (hense the massive hysterical outburst at the club).

Regardless how many times you've told me "he's changed"... that means nothing to me. Because you don't know him. You "know" the person he is pretending to be. You know what he wants you to know. I was the one that was on the crazy train for 4 years. I know him. People who have been around for the last 4 years know him. And every single person who does, can see right through him. Sooo... Yeah. A bit of a pickle.

- I love Tommy. Love love love him. I honestly don't know what I would do without him.

- So setting intentions has really been working out for me lately. So I am currently putting in writing that I plan on moving to Washington/Seattle in February/March of next year. That means it has to happen. I need a change.

- Also, setting the intention that when Rodger's Memorial does Hairspray this next year, I will be Tracy and fulfill my goal of being on stage at least ONCE in my life. Plus, I am Tracy. This should not be that far of a stretch.

- I also love my best friend. When I tell him "I want to look like so and so because she is the most beautiful person I've ever seen", he tells me "Actually... You look A LOT like her". Even if I'm the fat version of her, it was a nice sentiment.

Um... I think that'll do today. :)

..a little hurt..

So when I'm upset or not friends with one person, I try really hard not to be like "YOU CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITH THAT PERSON BECAUSE I'M NOT FRIENDS WITH THAT PERSON". Really. I used to be bad with that, and I feel I've gotten a lot better (mostly because my best friend is one of those "I have to find out about people for myself" kind of people). However, a current situation has caused me to revert back to this previous way of thinking.

It hurts.

It's not like this was just a misunderstanding. It's not like this was just a disagreement between two friends. This was someone who, for four years, made me miserable 89% of the time. This is someone who went out of their way to hurt me. Who said things to me that I wouldn't even say to my worst enemy (meaning him currently), while still claiming to care about me.

And you were there for all that. You saw everything I went through. You were the ones comforting me when I was upset. You were the ones that I came to because I was completely broken and miserable. Who tried to help me find places to live because I couldn't live there anymore.

And it wasn't even me. You saw it first hand. He was completely horrible to you as well. Why would you want that around you?

I realize that they've said they've changed. And it's great to give second chances. But I heard that for four years. They won't change. Underneath all the smiles and nice things they do for you, they are still the same person they were 6 months ago. Still the same person they will be six months from now.

A quote that is from one of my favorite shows (One Tree Hill):
"Do you think people can change, Brooke? I mean, truly change?" - R
"Well, I'd like to say yes. But honestly? I don't think people really can change. You know at the end of the day you are who you are, and it's probably who you've always been." - B

Just because you fake it, doesn't mean you're any different.

So to sum it up, I understand that everyone has to come to their own conclusions with people. Draw their own opinions. But this wasn't just an opinion. I don't know of many people who don't know this about him. Notice I said "KNOW", not "THINK". Plenty of people know.

<3

..moving on..

I stumbled upon this quote today:

"You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future"

It was completely appropriate considering conversations that I've been having lately. And by lately, I mean yesterday and today. So of course, let's blog.

I've had a rough time trusting people in my life. Usually, the people I trusted the most were the ones to hurt me the most. I don't give my trust to people very freely, so each time something happened with a so called "friend", it would cause me to build up all of these insecurities about every single person in my life. Even against the ones that didn't deserve it. Especially against the ones that don't deserve it.

The last year has been almost a reconstructive year in my life. I have gotten rid of the poison in it and by doing so, other portions of my life have started to align. My job is better. My financial situation is better. Everything seems to be just falling into place. However, the one thing I am still having a problem with is trusting people. I am surrounded by amazing friends. And yet, I still don't trust them completely. I have a best friend who constantly tells me that he loves me because he knows that I need to hear it. But I still push him away. I still make up these little "issues" in my head to validate pulling away from him. He's been super patient with me, but I know it's wearing on him. It came to a boiling point yesterday.

So last night I went home and thought about what I can do to fix this one thing that is holding me back from being 100% completely happy. I have to let go of the past. I can't keep holding on to all those insecurities and trust issues. I had a friend tell me today that "like attracts like". I am attracting the people that I want in my life now. And I've attracted some pretty amazing people at this point. I need to focus on those relationships instead of assuming the worst and comparing them to people who they are nothing like. That will make all the difference.

..favorite quote..

Another quote from my awesomely sarcastic friend Lindsey. Check out her blog at http://lindseysrantings.blogspot.com/. Readers be warned.

Tasha: "Everyone just assumes I have had sex! What? Do I look like some kind of giant whore or something?!"

Lindsey: "No no no. If you're young and single and good-looking people just assume you've had sex. It's a good thing. When people are shocked that you HAVE had sex, THAT'S when you should worry."

I'll take that as a compliment.

..how much is that doggy in the window?..

I got a puppy! Finally!! He is a miniature daschund and he is the runt of his litter so he is LITERALLY the size of a hamster. Look!

Iiii know! His name is Link (named after Hairspray, not Zelda). Also because he is a weiner dog.. aka a sausage link. Him is adorable and I love him lots.

He's just kind of a pain in the ass. Like a baby. Only he is MY baby so it's not like my nephew. I can't give him back to his momma and papa when he starts being a brat.

But I love him :)

..long weekends are my best friends..

I love weekends. I love long weekends more. This happens to be a long weekend. So I love it even more.

So just a few thoughts for today:

- I pride myself on being a relatively smart person. I feel like I've always had the "book smarts". And I've been through quite a bit in my real life to make me feel like I have the "street smarts". Sooo anyway... We went on the boat on Sunday. We were there from approximately 11:00AM to 5:00PM (a long day of boating). Several times throughout the day, Joshua BFF said "Tasha. I think you need to put on sunscreen. You're going to get burned". Me, being stubborn, of course said "Oh no stupid BFF Josh, I want to get TAN! I don't need sunscreen!" (there may have been wine and/or beer involved). So I proceed to lay around the boat all day with no screenage. Monday comes around - I am a lobster. I am so burned that I can't even walk because my knees are burned and swollen. I have never been so burned in my whole life. So the plus side was I would have a nice lovely tan. But now it's peeling so really I will just have a splotchy tan. It's all for nothing... except maybe the lesson that when your friends tell you that you are getting burned, you should probably put on sunscreen. I'm sure from now on, everyone will be babysitting me and constantly telling me to put on sunscreen. Go me.

- Went with the crew to see Eclipse last night. It's my favorite of the 4 books so I was kind of nervous about it. I loved the other two movies, but movies NEVER live up to the books so since this is my favorite, I didn't want them to ruin it. Welll..... I loved it! It still wasn't as good as the book, but they did a really good job with it. All my favorite parts were there, nothing was ruined, and there was a hot, killer vampire that I would certainly be okay dying for.

- Jenna is moving back home. Boo on her. Again with the moving people!? WHHHHY? (shut up Jenna, I know it's to be back with your family) But still. Boooooo. On a positive note - She will now be in a good vacinity to help me find apartments/jobs/a life when I decide to move to Washington next year. So that is the plus of her abandoning all of her Utah friends. Heheh. I'm not as angry as I sound. Maybe a little bitter.

That's all.

..it's not about who you've known the longest. It's about who came and never left your side...

We all know that I am a huge fan of quotes. Tonight I was talking to a friend and we were talking about connections with people, and this quote came to mind:

"It's not about who you've known the longest. It's about who came and never left your side"

I've heard it before. Many times. For some reason, it really resonated with me tonight. I know that a lot of people put so much emphasis on how long they've been friends with someone. I've had arguments with friends in the past about loyalties and "oh I've known you longer, you should be on my side through this and this and this" (a constant struggle with my latest ex best friend). Does length of time mean everything?

Sometimes you meet someone and have an instant connection with them. It's kind of inexplicable. Just a friend that from the moment you meet them, you feel extremely comfortable with them. It's almost like you don't have to lay the groundwork for a really good friendship - it's already there.

Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of people in my life right now who I have good relationships with that I've known for years, but for the most part, the people I'm closest to in my life right now, I've known a little over a year, maybe shorter than that. They are just such good people that as soon as I met them, I knew that they were meant to be in my life. They made me realize that I shouldn't settle for sub par friendships in my life and that I CERTAINLY shouldn't settle for people who don't bring anything positive to my life.

So whilst sometimes you do have those friends who you've known your whole life, who you will continue to have good friendships with throughout your life, it doesn't always mean everything. More than likely, it's LESS the amount of time you've known that person and MORE about the kind of person they are. That is where loyalty comes from.