Yay for abandoning my blog! I'm back.... with bullet points. You're excited. I know it.
- I tend to get stressed out easily over little things. I know this. You know this. Jesus knows this. So when some thing (or thingggssssss) happens that is/are kind of a big deal, it overwhelms me. Currently I have a laundry list of things that are causing me a whole lot of sleepless nights. People moving. Friendships in jeopardy. Flooding in my apartment. Etc. Etc. Etc. I feel that it has turned from just fingernail biting to actual physical symptoms. Literally making me sick. It's fun. I like it a lot. Good news? Maybe I will lose weight. Yay! Skinny!
- Next (not completely unrelated, however), Cody just got a gig in Malaysia. Fucking Malaysia. Who goes to Malaysia? I'm not even quite sure where that is but it has the word "Asia" in it, so I'm inclined to not think too highly of it. I digress... he got a FABULOUS job singing in a group over seas. They live and perform at a five star Hilton hotel. He's going to rock it. I'm really proud of him. He is leaving the 1st of October. Anxiety.
- My best friend (aka - Joshua Max Brodis) is moving to California. This is also to pursue the fact that he is an amazingly talented person and extremely motivated to make something of himself. So of course, he will. And I fully support his decison as much as a rational best friend can. That being said, it may seem like I don't support it at all, as the very mention of it in public makes me go into mini panic attacks. Again... I fall off topic. He will be leaving the last week of September. Scenario Cody + Scenario Josh = Basketcase Tasha. Forewarning. Tommy will potentially be on suicide watch.
- Since the are both leaving before my actual birthday (notbitteratallmovingonnow), I want to have a party before they leave. Therefore I have bestowed upon the BF to plan a party. Is this currently in the works? I am not sure. All I know is that being me, I will insist on being the single focus of attention for said party, so I will not/can not share it with anyone else. Do with that information what you will.
- Speaking of birthdays, I would like to announce that the entire month of October will be only about my birthday. There is no Halloween. Only my birthday. It's all about me. So when you ask me what you want to be for Halloween, I will tell you "Doesn't matter. There is no Halloween this year". This situation/conversation is OF COURSE, hypothetical and never happened... today... NEVER HAPPENED!
- Also I will be 26. Which is closer to 30 than 20. That is all I am saying.
- I would like to share this video only because I am a shameless supporter of my very talented friends:
Also here... with some random (asian looking) chick:
Yeah. He's amazing. I couldn't find a good video of him singing Michael Jackson but trust me - he does the King of Pop VERY proud.
- Last but not least, I very much believe that people come into your life when you need them the most. Whether they be new friends or just people that you lost contact throughout time, they know just what to say to make everything feel like it really is going to be okay. I am so appreciative to those people, especially right now when I feel like there are so many things out of my control. Thanks bitches :)
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
..(creative title goes here)..
Just randomness because I don't have energy for anything more than that but I feel like I haven't updated in awhile....
- First of all, eff this game.
- Whoever said to drown your sorrows in booze was clearly suicidal. I had a REALLY rough week last week (personal life wise, not business. I rocked the business). So Friday night Josh and Aaron were like "Club! YAY!" I haven't been in awhile (nor have I drank in awhile), so I thought "YAY!" Anyway... I'm super smart and drank pretty much a whole bottle of mango rum. It happens. Soooo... I know that seems overkill, but I think that I would have been fine had it not been for the two additional drinks at the club. It was JT's birthday! Come on! Sooo... My memory of the night is.. hazy at best, but at some point I ended up downstairs with Gray and somehow Vegas (more on that later) came up... and then all I remember are hysterics. This wasn't just a "Oh, Tasha is having one of her moments" kind of cry. This was an all out cryingsohardIcouldn'tbreathe kind of cry. In front of everyone. Yes. It was good. Anyway... long story short, Josh FINALLY got me out of there. We went to Denny's to get food. I do not remember much else of what happened besides becoming vaguely familiar with the bathroom floor at Denny's. Low.Point.
I must express appreciation to my new friend Angie. Dragging someone you barely know back and forth to the bathroom all night is not usually something that makes your night complete, but she was an absolute doll and took care of me. Thanks Ang!!!
- Ohhhh K. So... Vegas. Gray's 21st birthday was a few days ago. He planned this big trip to Vegas, which we had been talking about for about a year. Well.. being the adult I am, it turned out that I couldn't end up going because we had too many managers out and blah blah blah. Sooo... I understand that Gray was upset but... gotta do what you gotta do. Anyway... so Jess, Aaron, Gray and PJ ended up going to Vegas. When they got back I found out someone else had gone with them... Duh duh duh. Who else but Mr. PKS (name has been changed to protect his assholeness)?!
Okay... Really guys? REALLLLY? Talking to him. Being cordial. Being adult. Normal behavior. Yeah. I get that. Inviting him to hang out? Taking him on a trip? Going out of your way to talk to him? Um... Hmm... I am not really quite sure how to put things into words on this one (hense the massive hysterical outburst at the club).
Regardless how many times you've told me "he's changed"... that means nothing to me. Because you don't know him. You "know" the person he is pretending to be. You know what he wants you to know. I was the one that was on the crazy train for 4 years. I know him. People who have been around for the last 4 years know him. And every single person who does, can see right through him. Sooo... Yeah. A bit of a pickle.
- I love Tommy. Love love love him. I honestly don't know what I would do without him.
- So setting intentions has really been working out for me lately. So I am currently putting in writing that I plan on moving to Washington/Seattle in February/March of next year. That means it has to happen. I need a change.
- Also, setting the intention that when Rodger's Memorial does Hairspray this next year, I will be Tracy and fulfill my goal of being on stage at least ONCE in my life. Plus, I am Tracy. This should not be that far of a stretch.
- I also love my best friend. When I tell him "I want to look like so and so because she is the most beautiful person I've ever seen", he tells me "Actually... You look A LOT like her". Even if I'm the fat version of her, it was a nice sentiment.
Um... I think that'll do today. :)
- First of all, eff this game.
- Whoever said to drown your sorrows in booze was clearly suicidal. I had a REALLY rough week last week (personal life wise, not business. I rocked the business). So Friday night Josh and Aaron were like "Club! YAY!" I haven't been in awhile (nor have I drank in awhile), so I thought "YAY!" Anyway... I'm super smart and drank pretty much a whole bottle of mango rum. It happens. Soooo... I know that seems overkill, but I think that I would have been fine had it not been for the two additional drinks at the club. It was JT's birthday! Come on! Sooo... My memory of the night is.. hazy at best, but at some point I ended up downstairs with Gray and somehow Vegas (more on that later) came up... and then all I remember are hysterics. This wasn't just a "Oh, Tasha is having one of her moments" kind of cry. This was an all out cryingsohardIcouldn'tbreathe kind of cry. In front of everyone. Yes. It was good. Anyway... long story short, Josh FINALLY got me out of there. We went to Denny's to get food. I do not remember much else of what happened besides becoming vaguely familiar with the bathroom floor at Denny's. Low.Point.
I must express appreciation to my new friend Angie. Dragging someone you barely know back and forth to the bathroom all night is not usually something that makes your night complete, but she was an absolute doll and took care of me. Thanks Ang!!!
- Ohhhh K. So... Vegas. Gray's 21st birthday was a few days ago. He planned this big trip to Vegas, which we had been talking about for about a year. Well.. being the adult I am, it turned out that I couldn't end up going because we had too many managers out and blah blah blah. Sooo... I understand that Gray was upset but... gotta do what you gotta do. Anyway... so Jess, Aaron, Gray and PJ ended up going to Vegas. When they got back I found out someone else had gone with them... Duh duh duh. Who else but Mr. PKS (name has been changed to protect his assholeness)?!
Okay... Really guys? REALLLLY? Talking to him. Being cordial. Being adult. Normal behavior. Yeah. I get that. Inviting him to hang out? Taking him on a trip? Going out of your way to talk to him? Um... Hmm... I am not really quite sure how to put things into words on this one (hense the massive hysterical outburst at the club).
Regardless how many times you've told me "he's changed"... that means nothing to me. Because you don't know him. You "know" the person he is pretending to be. You know what he wants you to know. I was the one that was on the crazy train for 4 years. I know him. People who have been around for the last 4 years know him. And every single person who does, can see right through him. Sooo... Yeah. A bit of a pickle.
- I love Tommy. Love love love him. I honestly don't know what I would do without him.
- So setting intentions has really been working out for me lately. So I am currently putting in writing that I plan on moving to Washington/Seattle in February/March of next year. That means it has to happen. I need a change.
- Also, setting the intention that when Rodger's Memorial does Hairspray this next year, I will be Tracy and fulfill my goal of being on stage at least ONCE in my life. Plus, I am Tracy. This should not be that far of a stretch.
- I also love my best friend. When I tell him "I want to look like so and so because she is the most beautiful person I've ever seen", he tells me "Actually... You look A LOT like her". Even if I'm the fat version of her, it was a nice sentiment.
Um... I think that'll do today. :)
Friday, July 16, 2010
..a little hurt..
So when I'm upset or not friends with one person, I try really hard not to be like "YOU CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITH THAT PERSON BECAUSE I'M NOT FRIENDS WITH THAT PERSON". Really. I used to be bad with that, and I feel I've gotten a lot better (mostly because my best friend is one of those "I have to find out about people for myself" kind of people). However, a current situation has caused me to revert back to this previous way of thinking.
It hurts.
It's not like this was just a misunderstanding. It's not like this was just a disagreement between two friends. This was someone who, for four years, made me miserable 89% of the time. This is someone who went out of their way to hurt me. Who said things to me that I wouldn't even say to my worst enemy (meaning him currently), while still claiming to care about me.
And you were there for all that. You saw everything I went through. You were the ones comforting me when I was upset. You were the ones that I came to because I was completely broken and miserable. Who tried to help me find places to live because I couldn't live there anymore.
And it wasn't even me. You saw it first hand. He was completely horrible to you as well. Why would you want that around you?
I realize that they've said they've changed. And it's great to give second chances. But I heard that for four years. They won't change. Underneath all the smiles and nice things they do for you, they are still the same person they were 6 months ago. Still the same person they will be six months from now.
A quote that is from one of my favorite shows (One Tree Hill):
"Do you think people can change, Brooke? I mean, truly change?" - R
"Well, I'd like to say yes. But honestly? I don't think people really can change. You know at the end of the day you are who you are, and it's probably who you've always been." - B
Just because you fake it, doesn't mean you're any different.
So to sum it up, I understand that everyone has to come to their own conclusions with people. Draw their own opinions. But this wasn't just an opinion. I don't know of many people who don't know this about him. Notice I said "KNOW", not "THINK". Plenty of people know.
<3
It hurts.
It's not like this was just a misunderstanding. It's not like this was just a disagreement between two friends. This was someone who, for four years, made me miserable 89% of the time. This is someone who went out of their way to hurt me. Who said things to me that I wouldn't even say to my worst enemy (meaning him currently), while still claiming to care about me.
And you were there for all that. You saw everything I went through. You were the ones comforting me when I was upset. You were the ones that I came to because I was completely broken and miserable. Who tried to help me find places to live because I couldn't live there anymore.
And it wasn't even me. You saw it first hand. He was completely horrible to you as well. Why would you want that around you?
I realize that they've said they've changed. And it's great to give second chances. But I heard that for four years. They won't change. Underneath all the smiles and nice things they do for you, they are still the same person they were 6 months ago. Still the same person they will be six months from now.
A quote that is from one of my favorite shows (One Tree Hill):
"Do you think people can change, Brooke? I mean, truly change?" - R
"Well, I'd like to say yes. But honestly? I don't think people really can change. You know at the end of the day you are who you are, and it's probably who you've always been." - B
Just because you fake it, doesn't mean you're any different.
So to sum it up, I understand that everyone has to come to their own conclusions with people. Draw their own opinions. But this wasn't just an opinion. I don't know of many people who don't know this about him. Notice I said "KNOW", not "THINK". Plenty of people know.
<3
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
..moving on..
I stumbled upon this quote today:
"You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future"
It was completely appropriate considering conversations that I've been having lately. And by lately, I mean yesterday and today. So of course, let's blog.
I've had a rough time trusting people in my life. Usually, the people I trusted the most were the ones to hurt me the most. I don't give my trust to people very freely, so each time something happened with a so called "friend", it would cause me to build up all of these insecurities about every single person in my life. Even against the ones that didn't deserve it. Especially against the ones that don't deserve it.
The last year has been almost a reconstructive year in my life. I have gotten rid of the poison in it and by doing so, other portions of my life have started to align. My job is better. My financial situation is better. Everything seems to be just falling into place. However, the one thing I am still having a problem with is trusting people. I am surrounded by amazing friends. And yet, I still don't trust them completely. I have a best friend who constantly tells me that he loves me because he knows that I need to hear it. But I still push him away. I still make up these little "issues" in my head to validate pulling away from him. He's been super patient with me, but I know it's wearing on him. It came to a boiling point yesterday.
So last night I went home and thought about what I can do to fix this one thing that is holding me back from being 100% completely happy. I have to let go of the past. I can't keep holding on to all those insecurities and trust issues. I had a friend tell me today that "like attracts like". I am attracting the people that I want in my life now. And I've attracted some pretty amazing people at this point. I need to focus on those relationships instead of assuming the worst and comparing them to people who they are nothing like. That will make all the difference.
"You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future"
It was completely appropriate considering conversations that I've been having lately. And by lately, I mean yesterday and today. So of course, let's blog.
I've had a rough time trusting people in my life. Usually, the people I trusted the most were the ones to hurt me the most. I don't give my trust to people very freely, so each time something happened with a so called "friend", it would cause me to build up all of these insecurities about every single person in my life. Even against the ones that didn't deserve it. Especially against the ones that don't deserve it.
The last year has been almost a reconstructive year in my life. I have gotten rid of the poison in it and by doing so, other portions of my life have started to align. My job is better. My financial situation is better. Everything seems to be just falling into place. However, the one thing I am still having a problem with is trusting people. I am surrounded by amazing friends. And yet, I still don't trust them completely. I have a best friend who constantly tells me that he loves me because he knows that I need to hear it. But I still push him away. I still make up these little "issues" in my head to validate pulling away from him. He's been super patient with me, but I know it's wearing on him. It came to a boiling point yesterday.
So last night I went home and thought about what I can do to fix this one thing that is holding me back from being 100% completely happy. I have to let go of the past. I can't keep holding on to all those insecurities and trust issues. I had a friend tell me today that "like attracts like". I am attracting the people that I want in my life now. And I've attracted some pretty amazing people at this point. I need to focus on those relationships instead of assuming the worst and comparing them to people who they are nothing like. That will make all the difference.
Monday, July 12, 2010
..favorite quote..
Another quote from my awesomely sarcastic friend Lindsey. Check out her blog at http://lindseysrantings.blogspot.com/. Readers be warned.
Tasha: "Everyone just assumes I have had sex! What? Do I look like some kind of giant whore or something?!"
Lindsey: "No no no. If you're young and single and good-looking people just assume you've had sex. It's a good thing. When people are shocked that you HAVE had sex, THAT'S when you should worry."
I'll take that as a compliment.
Tasha: "Everyone just assumes I have had sex! What? Do I look like some kind of giant whore or something?!"
Lindsey: "No no no. If you're young and single and good-looking people just assume you've had sex. It's a good thing. When people are shocked that you HAVE had sex, THAT'S when you should worry."
I'll take that as a compliment.
..how much is that doggy in the window?..
I got a puppy! Finally!! He is a miniature daschund and he is the runt of his litter so he is LITERALLY the size of a hamster. Look!
Iiii know! His name is Link (named after Hairspray, not Zelda). Also because he is a weiner dog.. aka a sausage link. Him is adorable and I love him lots. He's just kind of a pain in the ass. Like a baby. Only he is MY baby so it's not like my nephew. I can't give him back to his momma and papa when he starts being a brat.
But I love him :)
Friday, July 2, 2010
..long weekends are my best friends..
I love weekends. I love long weekends more. This happens to be a long weekend. So I love it even more.
So just a few thoughts for today:
- I pride myself on being a relatively smart person. I feel like I've always had the "book smarts". And I've been through quite a bit in my real life to make me feel like I have the "street smarts". Sooo anyway... We went on the boat on Sunday. We were there from approximately 11:00AM to 5:00PM (a long day of boating). Several times throughout the day, Joshua BFF said "Tasha. I think you need to put on sunscreen. You're going to get burned". Me, being stubborn, of course said "Oh no stupid BFF Josh, I want to get TAN! I don't need sunscreen!" (there may have been wine and/or beer involved). So I proceed to lay around the boat all day with no screenage. Monday comes around - I am a lobster. I am so burned that I can't even walk because my knees are burned and swollen. I have never been so burned in my whole life. So the plus side was I would have a nice lovely tan. But now it's peeling so really I will just have a splotchy tan. It's all for nothing... except maybe the lesson that when your friends tell you that you are getting burned, you should probably put on sunscreen. I'm sure from now on, everyone will be babysitting me and constantly telling me to put on sunscreen. Go me.
- Went with the crew to see Eclipse last night. It's my favorite of the 4 books so I was kind of nervous about it. I loved the other two movies, but movies NEVER live up to the books so since this is my favorite, I didn't want them to ruin it. Welll..... I loved it! It still wasn't as good as the book, but they did a really good job with it. All my favorite parts were there, nothing was ruined, and there was a hot, killer vampire that I would certainly be okay dying for.
- Jenna is moving back home. Boo on her. Again with the moving people!? WHHHHY? (shut up Jenna, I know it's to be back with your family) But still. Boooooo. On a positive note - She will now be in a good vacinity to help me find apartments/jobs/a life when I decide to move to Washington next year. So that is the plus of her abandoning all of her Utah friends. Heheh. I'm not as angry as I sound. Maybe a little bitter.
That's all.
So just a few thoughts for today:
- I pride myself on being a relatively smart person. I feel like I've always had the "book smarts". And I've been through quite a bit in my real life to make me feel like I have the "street smarts". Sooo anyway... We went on the boat on Sunday. We were there from approximately 11:00AM to 5:00PM (a long day of boating). Several times throughout the day, Joshua BFF said "Tasha. I think you need to put on sunscreen. You're going to get burned". Me, being stubborn, of course said "Oh no stupid BFF Josh, I want to get TAN! I don't need sunscreen!" (there may have been wine and/or beer involved). So I proceed to lay around the boat all day with no screenage. Monday comes around - I am a lobster. I am so burned that I can't even walk because my knees are burned and swollen. I have never been so burned in my whole life. So the plus side was I would have a nice lovely tan. But now it's peeling so really I will just have a splotchy tan. It's all for nothing... except maybe the lesson that when your friends tell you that you are getting burned, you should probably put on sunscreen. I'm sure from now on, everyone will be babysitting me and constantly telling me to put on sunscreen. Go me.
- Went with the crew to see Eclipse last night. It's my favorite of the 4 books so I was kind of nervous about it. I loved the other two movies, but movies NEVER live up to the books so since this is my favorite, I didn't want them to ruin it. Welll..... I loved it! It still wasn't as good as the book, but they did a really good job with it. All my favorite parts were there, nothing was ruined, and there was a hot, killer vampire that I would certainly be okay dying for.
- Jenna is moving back home. Boo on her. Again with the moving people!? WHHHHY? (shut up Jenna, I know it's to be back with your family) But still. Boooooo. On a positive note - She will now be in a good vacinity to help me find apartments/jobs/a life when I decide to move to Washington next year. So that is the plus of her abandoning all of her Utah friends. Heheh. I'm not as angry as I sound. Maybe a little bitter.
That's all.
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