Friday, July 16, 2010

..a little hurt..

So when I'm upset or not friends with one person, I try really hard not to be like "YOU CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITH THAT PERSON BECAUSE I'M NOT FRIENDS WITH THAT PERSON". Really. I used to be bad with that, and I feel I've gotten a lot better (mostly because my best friend is one of those "I have to find out about people for myself" kind of people). However, a current situation has caused me to revert back to this previous way of thinking.

It hurts.

It's not like this was just a misunderstanding. It's not like this was just a disagreement between two friends. This was someone who, for four years, made me miserable 89% of the time. This is someone who went out of their way to hurt me. Who said things to me that I wouldn't even say to my worst enemy (meaning him currently), while still claiming to care about me.

And you were there for all that. You saw everything I went through. You were the ones comforting me when I was upset. You were the ones that I came to because I was completely broken and miserable. Who tried to help me find places to live because I couldn't live there anymore.

And it wasn't even me. You saw it first hand. He was completely horrible to you as well. Why would you want that around you?

I realize that they've said they've changed. And it's great to give second chances. But I heard that for four years. They won't change. Underneath all the smiles and nice things they do for you, they are still the same person they were 6 months ago. Still the same person they will be six months from now.

A quote that is from one of my favorite shows (One Tree Hill):
"Do you think people can change, Brooke? I mean, truly change?" - R
"Well, I'd like to say yes. But honestly? I don't think people really can change. You know at the end of the day you are who you are, and it's probably who you've always been." - B

Just because you fake it, doesn't mean you're any different.

So to sum it up, I understand that everyone has to come to their own conclusions with people. Draw their own opinions. But this wasn't just an opinion. I don't know of many people who don't know this about him. Notice I said "KNOW", not "THINK". Plenty of people know.

<3

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

..moving on..

I stumbled upon this quote today:

"You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future"

It was completely appropriate considering conversations that I've been having lately. And by lately, I mean yesterday and today. So of course, let's blog.

I've had a rough time trusting people in my life. Usually, the people I trusted the most were the ones to hurt me the most. I don't give my trust to people very freely, so each time something happened with a so called "friend", it would cause me to build up all of these insecurities about every single person in my life. Even against the ones that didn't deserve it. Especially against the ones that don't deserve it.

The last year has been almost a reconstructive year in my life. I have gotten rid of the poison in it and by doing so, other portions of my life have started to align. My job is better. My financial situation is better. Everything seems to be just falling into place. However, the one thing I am still having a problem with is trusting people. I am surrounded by amazing friends. And yet, I still don't trust them completely. I have a best friend who constantly tells me that he loves me because he knows that I need to hear it. But I still push him away. I still make up these little "issues" in my head to validate pulling away from him. He's been super patient with me, but I know it's wearing on him. It came to a boiling point yesterday.

So last night I went home and thought about what I can do to fix this one thing that is holding me back from being 100% completely happy. I have to let go of the past. I can't keep holding on to all those insecurities and trust issues. I had a friend tell me today that "like attracts like". I am attracting the people that I want in my life now. And I've attracted some pretty amazing people at this point. I need to focus on those relationships instead of assuming the worst and comparing them to people who they are nothing like. That will make all the difference.

Monday, July 12, 2010

..favorite quote..

Another quote from my awesomely sarcastic friend Lindsey. Check out her blog at http://lindseysrantings.blogspot.com/. Readers be warned.

Tasha: "Everyone just assumes I have had sex! What? Do I look like some kind of giant whore or something?!"

Lindsey: "No no no. If you're young and single and good-looking people just assume you've had sex. It's a good thing. When people are shocked that you HAVE had sex, THAT'S when you should worry."

I'll take that as a compliment.

..how much is that doggy in the window?..


I got a puppy! Finally!! He is a miniature daschund and he is the runt of his litter so he is LITERALLY the size of a hamster. Look!


Iiii know! His name is Link (named after Hairspray, not Zelda). Also because he is a weiner dog.. aka a sausage link. Him is adorable and I love him lots.

He's just kind of a pain in the ass. Like a baby. Only he is MY baby so it's not like my nephew. I can't give him back to his momma and papa when he starts being a brat.

But I love him :)



Friday, July 2, 2010

..long weekends are my best friends..

I love weekends. I love long weekends more. This happens to be a long weekend. So I love it even more.

So just a few thoughts for today:

- I pride myself on being a relatively smart person. I feel like I've always had the "book smarts". And I've been through quite a bit in my real life to make me feel like I have the "street smarts". Sooo anyway... We went on the boat on Sunday. We were there from approximately 11:00AM to 5:00PM (a long day of boating). Several times throughout the day, Joshua BFF said "Tasha. I think you need to put on sunscreen. You're going to get burned". Me, being stubborn, of course said "Oh no stupid BFF Josh, I want to get TAN! I don't need sunscreen!" (there may have been wine and/or beer involved). So I proceed to lay around the boat all day with no screenage. Monday comes around - I am a lobster. I am so burned that I can't even walk because my knees are burned and swollen. I have never been so burned in my whole life. So the plus side was I would have a nice lovely tan. But now it's peeling so really I will just have a splotchy tan. It's all for nothing... except maybe the lesson that when your friends tell you that you are getting burned, you should probably put on sunscreen. I'm sure from now on, everyone will be babysitting me and constantly telling me to put on sunscreen. Go me.

- Went with the crew to see Eclipse last night. It's my favorite of the 4 books so I was kind of nervous about it. I loved the other two movies, but movies NEVER live up to the books so since this is my favorite, I didn't want them to ruin it. Welll..... I loved it! It still wasn't as good as the book, but they did a really good job with it. All my favorite parts were there, nothing was ruined, and there was a hot, killer vampire that I would certainly be okay dying for.

- Jenna is moving back home. Boo on her. Again with the moving people!? WHHHHY? (shut up Jenna, I know it's to be back with your family) But still. Boooooo. On a positive note - She will now be in a good vacinity to help me find apartments/jobs/a life when I decide to move to Washington next year. So that is the plus of her abandoning all of her Utah friends. Heheh. I'm not as angry as I sound. Maybe a little bitter.

That's all.