Monday, November 1, 2010


So my new addiction is Tumblr. It's so much easier. And I'm a picture whore so it's pretty much where I belong. I don't know how much I'll update here, but you should DEFFFFFF follow me there. And maybe create your own. Because it's better.

Peace out bishes.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

..the only constant thing in life is change..

- My birthday was a success. I had 12 parties and celebrated with pretty much everyone that I wanted to. My mom bought me the cutest boots everrrrrrrr (thank god for Torrid and their boots that actually fit my calves (thank you dancing for 15 years and being fat)). I got the first season of Glee from Aaron and Matty Ford annndddddd lots of things to feed my current (and ongoing) musical theatre obsession. Yay birthdays! :)

- I have always considered myself to be well versed in the musical theatre genre. Recently I have found that there are people *cough, Tommy, cough* that are MUCH MORE in the know in terms of good shows and good music. So Mr. Fitz (aka - ToFi) has been "schooling" me in some of the shows he believes need to be on my radar. The first was The Last Five Years. Aaaaaamazing. Times a million. I have a slight obsession with this now. Jason Robert Brown is ridiculous. Leo Norbert Butz is phenomenal. And it gives me chills. I highly recommend it. The newest one that he has so generously shared with me is Next to Normal. Also extremely good. I had to sit and read the synopsis while I was listening to the music to figure out what the hell was going on (yeah. I'm cool. Embrace it), but lovvvveeeee it. Yeeeeeeey!

- I hate California. I believe that is all that needs to be said.

- I am feeling restless. Like I need to shake things up in a big way. I'm at a weird spot in my life right now. Things are in an awkward transition mode at work, my best friend just moved away, I am feeling terribly awful about myself physically. I just feel like I need to do something extreme. And that the universe has been sending me all these signals. I have half talked/half joked about moving to Seattle in March when my lease is up. Well I have had literally 4 people tell me in the last few months that if I ever decided that I wanted to move there, that they know tons of people that would give me a job in a heartbeat. And just with the way everything is going at work and in my personal life, I think maybe it's time to say now or never. I know it's going to be scary and I may hate it and turn right around and come back... but I need some independence. I need to stop defining myself by the people around me. I need to make my own way and figure out where I want to be and who I want to be. And I don't feel like I can do that here... Which may be silly or selfish, but that's the point I'm at right now. So... stay tuned to see what happens with that. Now or never.


Monday, October 4, 2010

..happy mybirthdaymonth!..


- October is my favorite month. Of course, my birthday might be a huge part of that, but I just love the feeling when the air changes. When the leaves change and you can just feel that fall is in full swing. Plus, it's Halloween time! Carving pumpkins, Frightmares, scary movies. Fall just makes me happy. x100000.

- Speaking of my birthday, I like to celebrate me. I don't usually ever try to make the focus about me other parts of the year, but my birthday is the time when I like to be the center of attention and make everyone dote on me. And not just on my birthDAY, but in my birthWEEK and birthMONTH. Luckily, I have amazing friends who have no problem doing this...except for stupid Aaron who steals my thunder ;-)

- My birthday is on National Coming Out of the Closet Day. Hmm... Weird coincidence? Or fate? Hard to say. Love my gays!

- Speaking of gays, these last few days have been rough. It's hard to hear all the ignorant words that people speak just because they believe differently. Because they LOVE differently than other people believe they should. Are people really that simple minded? To believe that your way of doing things is the ONLY way of doing things? I was reading the article regarding what was said in one of the talks by Boyd K. Packer on Sunday:

"Some suppose that they were preset and cannot overcome what they feel are inborn tendencies toward the impure and the unnatural," he said. "Not so. Why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone?"

I think it is highly arrogant that anyone, regardless of your 'status' in the church (or anywhere else for that matter), can assume they know what the ultimate "plan" was. Yes, originally, man and woman were made for each other. To create all of us. However, how does anyone know that there weren't other people "chosen" to live this way, that were BORN this way, to love someone of the same sex? To teach all of us tolerance and acceptance and love without judgement? If you have faith in a higher being, then wouldn't you believe that? That He knows what He is doing? I feel any judgements that we pass on people while we are living will come back around to us in the end of things. So just love. There is already enough hate in the world.

Soap box done.

- I would like someone to take me on a shopping spree. You may sign up here.

- Josh is already blowing the roof off of California. He's been there just a little over a week, and already has two commercials and a spot on a tv show lined up. I feel like this is proving that he is meant to be there. As much as I dislike him being so far away. He's driven and motivated and I know that you'll be seeing his name everywhere shortly.

- Kind of along the same lines, my boss came to me the other day and was like "So have you found something to feel that void since your friend left?" (my boss is awesome BTW) I thought about it a little bit and while I miss him a lot, this is kind of a test of independence for me. This last year I have spent getting the toxic things out of my life was hard, but I had Josh (and of course, other friends) there to back me up and tell me I was doing the right things. And now this is my test to see if I can do it myself. And considering recent circumstances and situations, that test is hitting full force right about now. This will be a good chance to see if I really have changed over the last year, or if I'm going to fall into old habits. I am fairly confident that I have, but only time will tell.

Have a good week :)

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

..stuff and things..

What a weekend. A quick post today.

-Starting off with a quote that pretty much sums up my life right now:

"Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over."

'nuff said.

- I am going to my first dance class in like 2 years tonight. I'm excited/nervous. I am super out of shape, but considering it's a bunch of girls that I went to high school with, chances are they might be too. I feel this class is coming at a good time. Dance always made me super happy, and with everything that is going on for me right now, I think this will be a good release for me.

- Speaking of performing, taking into consideration current situations going on, I may not get to have my Made experience, as my Made coach is currently out of commission (in a matter of speaking). Therefore, instead of being "Tracy Turnblad", I am going to focus on getting into shape for my brother's wedding. Jessica (SIL) asked me to be in her line. So... gotta get pretty. And by pretty, I mean skinny.

- I am a wreck today. That is all.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

..singular impression things are moving too fast..

Yay for abandoning my blog! I'm back.... with bullet points. You're excited. I know it.

- I tend to get stressed out easily over little things. I know this. You know this. Jesus knows this. So when some thing (or thingggssssss) happens that is/are kind of a big deal, it overwhelms me. Currently I have a laundry list of things that are causing me a whole lot of sleepless nights. People moving. Friendships in jeopardy. Flooding in my apartment. Etc. Etc. Etc. I feel that it has turned from just fingernail biting to actual physical symptoms. Literally making me sick. It's fun. I like it a lot. Good news? Maybe I will lose weight. Yay! Skinny!

- Next (not completely unrelated, however), Cody just got a gig in Malaysia. Fucking Malaysia. Who goes to Malaysia? I'm not even quite sure where that is but it has the word "Asia" in it, so I'm inclined to not think too highly of it. I digress... he got a FABULOUS job singing in a group over seas. They live and perform at a five star Hilton hotel. He's going to rock it. I'm really proud of him. He is leaving the 1st of October. Anxiety.

- My best friend (aka - Joshua Max Brodis) is moving to California. This is also to pursue the fact that he is an amazingly talented person and extremely motivated to make something of himself. So of course, he will. And I fully support his decison as much as a rational best friend can. That being said, it may seem like I don't support it at all, as the very mention of it in public makes me go into mini panic attacks. Again... I fall off topic. He will be leaving the last week of September. Scenario Cody + Scenario Josh = Basketcase Tasha. Forewarning. Tommy will potentially be on suicide watch.

- Since the are both leaving before my actual birthday (notbitteratallmovingonnow), I want to have a party before they leave. Therefore I have bestowed upon the BF to plan a party. Is this currently in the works? I am not sure. All I know is that being me, I will insist on being the single focus of attention for said party, so I will not/can not share it with anyone else. Do with that information what you will.

- Speaking of birthdays, I would like to announce that the entire month of October will be only about my birthday. There is no Halloween. Only my birthday. It's all about me. So when you ask me what you want to be for Halloween, I will tell you "Doesn't matter. There is no Halloween this year". This situation/conversation is OF COURSE, hypothetical and never happened... today... NEVER HAPPENED!

- Also I will be 26. Which is closer to 30 than 20. That is all I am saying.

- I would like to share this video only because I am a shameless supporter of my very talented friends:

Also here... with some random (asian looking) chick:

Yeah. He's amazing. I couldn't find a good video of him singing Michael Jackson but trust me - he does the King of Pop VERY proud.

- Last but not least, I very much believe that people come into your life when you need them the most. Whether they be new friends or just people that you lost contact throughout time, they know just what to say to make everything feel like it really is going to be okay. I am so appreciative to those people, especially right now when I feel like there are so many things out of my control. Thanks bitches :)

Monday, August 9, 2010

..(creative title goes here)..

Just randomness because I don't have energy for anything more than that but I feel like I haven't updated in awhile....

- First of all, eff this game.

- Whoever said to drown your sorrows in booze was clearly suicidal. I had a REALLY rough week last week (personal life wise, not business. I rocked the business). So Friday night Josh and Aaron were like "Club! YAY!" I haven't been in awhile (nor have I drank in awhile), so I thought "YAY!" Anyway... I'm super smart and drank pretty much a whole bottle of mango rum. It happens. Soooo... I know that seems overkill, but I think that I would have been fine had it not been for the two additional drinks at the club. It was JT's birthday! Come on! Sooo... My memory of the night is.. hazy at best, but at some point I ended up downstairs with Gray and somehow Vegas (more on that later) came up... and then all I remember are hysterics. This wasn't just a "Oh, Tasha is having one of her moments" kind of cry. This was an all out cryingsohardIcouldn'tbreathe kind of cry. In front of everyone. Yes. It was good. Anyway... long story short, Josh FINALLY got me out of there. We went to Denny's to get food. I do not remember much else of what happened besides becoming vaguely familiar with the bathroom floor at Denny's. Low.Point.

I must express appreciation to my new friend Angie. Dragging someone you barely know back and forth to the bathroom all night is not usually something that makes your night complete, but she was an absolute doll and took care of me. Thanks Ang!!!

- Ohhhh K. So... Vegas. Gray's 21st birthday was a few days ago. He planned this big trip to Vegas, which we had been talking about for about a year. Well.. being the adult I am, it turned out that I couldn't end up going because we had too many managers out and blah blah blah. Sooo... I understand that Gray was upset but... gotta do what you gotta do. Anyway... so Jess, Aaron, Gray and PJ ended up going to Vegas. When they got back I found out someone else had gone with them... Duh duh duh. Who else but Mr. PKS (name has been changed to protect his assholeness)?!

Okay... Really guys? REALLLLY? Talking to him. Being cordial. Being adult. Normal behavior. Yeah. I get that. Inviting him to hang out? Taking him on a trip? Going out of your way to talk to him? Um... Hmm... I am not really quite sure how to put things into words on this one (hense the massive hysterical outburst at the club).

Regardless how many times you've told me "he's changed"... that means nothing to me. Because you don't know him. You "know" the person he is pretending to be. You know what he wants you to know. I was the one that was on the crazy train for 4 years. I know him. People who have been around for the last 4 years know him. And every single person who does, can see right through him. Sooo... Yeah. A bit of a pickle.

- I love Tommy. Love love love him. I honestly don't know what I would do without him.

- So setting intentions has really been working out for me lately. So I am currently putting in writing that I plan on moving to Washington/Seattle in February/March of next year. That means it has to happen. I need a change.

- Also, setting the intention that when Rodger's Memorial does Hairspray this next year, I will be Tracy and fulfill my goal of being on stage at least ONCE in my life. Plus, I am Tracy. This should not be that far of a stretch.

- I also love my best friend. When I tell him "I want to look like so and so because she is the most beautiful person I've ever seen", he tells me "Actually... You look A LOT like her". Even if I'm the fat version of her, it was a nice sentiment.

Um... I think that'll do today. :)

Friday, July 16, 2010

..a little hurt..

So when I'm upset or not friends with one person, I try really hard not to be like "YOU CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITH THAT PERSON BECAUSE I'M NOT FRIENDS WITH THAT PERSON". Really. I used to be bad with that, and I feel I've gotten a lot better (mostly because my best friend is one of those "I have to find out about people for myself" kind of people). However, a current situation has caused me to revert back to this previous way of thinking.

It hurts.

It's not like this was just a misunderstanding. It's not like this was just a disagreement between two friends. This was someone who, for four years, made me miserable 89% of the time. This is someone who went out of their way to hurt me. Who said things to me that I wouldn't even say to my worst enemy (meaning him currently), while still claiming to care about me.

And you were there for all that. You saw everything I went through. You were the ones comforting me when I was upset. You were the ones that I came to because I was completely broken and miserable. Who tried to help me find places to live because I couldn't live there anymore.

And it wasn't even me. You saw it first hand. He was completely horrible to you as well. Why would you want that around you?

I realize that they've said they've changed. And it's great to give second chances. But I heard that for four years. They won't change. Underneath all the smiles and nice things they do for you, they are still the same person they were 6 months ago. Still the same person they will be six months from now.

A quote that is from one of my favorite shows (One Tree Hill):
"Do you think people can change, Brooke? I mean, truly change?" - R
"Well, I'd like to say yes. But honestly? I don't think people really can change. You know at the end of the day you are who you are, and it's probably who you've always been." - B

Just because you fake it, doesn't mean you're any different.

So to sum it up, I understand that everyone has to come to their own conclusions with people. Draw their own opinions. But this wasn't just an opinion. I don't know of many people who don't know this about him. Notice I said "KNOW", not "THINK". Plenty of people know.