.."sometimes things falls apart so that better things can fall into place"

Happy holidays!

The last few weeks have been rough for me. Stress to the max. I've been an unstable emotional wreck. Drama.Drama.Drama. Paula, Kyle and Robbie ended the lease on our apartment (a month after they told me there was no way to end it when I was trying to move out). They didn't discuss it with me. I just got a text message one Sunday telling me that I needed to be out on December 31st. So that pushed the panic button for me in trying to find a place. At Christmas time. In three weeks. *cue anxiety attack* Then Gray moved out. He was my ally. He had my back. I didn't feel so alone in that house. Then me and Josh started having all this awkwardness between us. I felt really really alone. I let it get to me a little bit.

Well... This week I've really been reflecting. And the quote "sometimes things fall apart so better things can fall into place" came to mind. My life for the last four years has been sporadic. Sporadic friends. Sporadic living situations. Roommates. Jobs. Etc. Etc. I always feel like the rug is being pulled out from under me. Like my world is falling apart. But then I realized, without all those people who have come and gone, without all the things I've been through and had to weather, I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't have the amazing people in my life that I have right now.

For the FIRST time in my life, I feel like I'm moving forward. I am putting negativity behind me. Is my life perfect? No. Not by any means. But I want to live. I want to make the most of the time I have and the people that I'm living with. I have REALLY unbelievable people in my life. I am lucky to have a family that I get along well with. Some people don't have that. A LOT of people don't have that. I have amazing friends who have HONESTLY become family to me. I have the BEST friend in the world who knows everything about me and loves me in spite of all of that.

I have held onto a lot of things in the past. Grudges, hurt feelings and betrayal. A new year seems like a really good time to let go of all of that. And I'm excited to see what 2010 brings. :)