..a few things i've learned over time..

So I've just been thinking about how much I've learned over the last few years. To a lot of people some of them are probably "Uhhh... it took you years to figure that out?" but... I have to figure things out for myself. And sometimes it takes awhile. Obviously these aren't ALL the things I've learned, but just a few more monumental ones for me specifically:

I've learned that no matter how much you care about someone, it doesn't guarantee they will be in your life forever. It doesn't mean that your bff is going to be your... bff. That in no way means that you shouldn't enjoy them while you have them, if anything, it's the opposite. Everyone comes into our lives for a reason (thank you Wicked), whether it be to teach us something or show us what we don't want out of life. But that's no guarantee that they will always be there. Just the lessons that they bring.

I've learned that sometimes... distance DOES make a difference. I'm an expert on this scenario. I've had pretty much all the important people in my life move away from me at some point or another. And not just down the street... out of the state, out of the COUNTRY. Everyone always says "Nothing will change... Things will be exactly the same". That's not true at all. Maybe you WANT them to be the same. Maybe you will TRY to make them the same. But if I see you every single day, and you move to a different state, things are going to change, no matter how hard you try to keep them the same. I've learned recently that even a SMALL distance can sometimes change things. It's almost sad that a difference of 15 minutes can seem like 3000 miles to some people.

I've learned that sometimes the people you put as priorities in your life, only put you as options in theirs. There is always going to be the person in any sort of relationship or friendship that cares more, that makes more of the effort. That's just the way it goes. And everyone is on both sides of that equation at some point, in some relationship in their life. Sometimes I get so frustrated with people who don't make as big as an effort as I do because I feel like if I care this much about you, you should care this much about me too. But in thinking about it, I would rather be the one making the effort. At least the people I care about absolutely know without a doubt that I do. There's never a question.

I've learned that you can't control your heart. I'm emotional. Yes. That is going to be my disclaimer through my whole life. People have told me many times that that is something I can control, and to some extent I believe that. But your heart is TELLING you what to feel. And maybe with no reason. Or really effed up reason. I've fallen for a couple people who completely crushed me. Not on purpose. Not through anything they can control (and I know those of you who REALLY know me, are laughing at this right now), but as much as they couldn't control hurting me and who they are, I couldn't control how I felt about them. That's just the way it goes sometimes.

I've learned that one person can change your life. Be it negative or positive, there are some people who can completely affect the person you are, or the person you are trying to become. Without you realizing it. I have gotten rid of a really negative person in my life and I have HONESTLY never felt better. I feel like the relationships in my life are healthier. I feel like I'm happier in general. There are so many past experiences that I've reflected on in the last few months and I just think to myself "How did you allow yourself to become that person?" There was a negative influence, but I LET myself become that person that I never wanted to be. I've repaired relationships that I never thought in a million years could be repaired. People from my past who are seeing me now and saying "THIS is the Tasha that I love. THIS is the Tasha I became friends with". It's an eye opening experience.

This may have sounded like a really negative post, but I didn't mean it that way at all. These are some things that have really stuck out to me over the last little while. The lessons that I've had the hardest time accepting. This is a new year and I think it's really important to live for me. To take every moment as it comes and not worry so much. To really make the most out of my life. Only I can do that for myself.